Tony DeyalTHERE WAS a time when light-bulb jokes were in. How many CIA agents does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer to leave you in the dark. How many members of Tony Blair's Cabinet does it take to change a light bulb? None. Government policy is that the light is working and getting brighter all the time. How many military spokesmen does it take to change a light bulb? We'll look into that and get right back to you with an answer.
History continues to repeat rather than reinvent itself. According to comedian, Jay Leno, President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like "the rerun of a bad movie." Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I? The light-bulb jokes have returned. How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to screw in the light bulb. One to claim that they've actually screwed in 300 light bulbs. One to claim that they've unscrewed thousands of American light bulbs. And one to claim that they're screwing and unscrewing light bulbs for the Palestinians. How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of over a million dollars.
Since the bombing of Baghdad began, the jokes have got worse, including the light-bulb jokes. How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They can't turn them on anyway. How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb? We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time. What is Iraq's national bird? Duck. How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone? They both look out of the window and see Rubble. What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving? Turkey. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common? They both want to know where the Tomahawks are coming from. What is the best Iraqi job? Foreign Ambassador. Why is it twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? You only have to teach them to take off. And the most chilling of all, What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common? The answer is, "Nothing, yet."
The "yet" is important. The bombing of a market on Wednesday, the shock, awe and rolling thunder, are considered by many to be preludes of worse things still to come. In war there are only losers. Jay Leno had it right when he said, "You know what they should call this war Son of Bush versus Son of a Bitch." Leno was also on the ball when he reported, "War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realised that spells "OIL". Leno added, "CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts regular, premium and unleaded" and ironically, "Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free."
It is interesting how alliances shift and disintegrate in politics, and how oil has dominated American foreign policy. Soon after he became President of Iraq, Saddam Hussein visited America as a favoured guest of the Government and was given the keys to Detroit. At the time, America was his secret partner in his war against Iran, a war that lasted for eight years, from 1980 to 1988. In those days the arch-fiend was not Saddam but Ayatollah Khomeini, the Muslim Fundamentalist who led Iran. Saddam also donated money to the Detroit branch of the Chaldean Sacred Heart Church, a Catholic group in predominantly Muslim Iraq. Among prominent Chaldeans is Iraqi's Deputy Prime Minister, Tariq Aziz. As Rev. Jacob Yasso of the Chaldeans commented about Saddam, "The job the United States trusted to him is done; now he's no good."
Although the war is deadly serious, both Bush and Saddam have been the butt of countless jokes. In one of them, Saddam Hussein goes to the Passport Office and sees a very long line. Everyone gave way to him and soon he reached the end of the line. As the clerk issued him the passport at lightning speed, Saddam turned around to discover that all those in line behind him had vanished. Saddam turned back to the clerk and asked what happened. "Simple," the clerk said, "if you leave Iraq, no else has to." Commenting on the testing of the "MAB" or "Mother of All Bombs" in Florida, Leno took an indirect hit at Bush, "Do you know why they tested this bomb in Florida? Its conditions are almost identical to the ones in Iraq. Florida is full of people who don't speak English, lots of sand, warm climate, and, of course, in Florida they don't believe in fair elections either."
The last words are no joke. They belong to American military hero, General George S. Patton Jr., "Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country!"
Tony Deyal was last seen repeating a joke from David Letterman, "President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."
