THE EDITOR, Sir:
I WAS severely disappointed in the very first article that appeared in the 'In Focus' section on Sunday, June 15, 2003 entitled 'An act most foul'. The issue of incest and overall child molestation is a really serious one in Jamaica. If one could grade sins it could probably be classified as the worst and it is an issue that deserves much more attention.
In this regard, I can understand why Dr. Simms needed to have it in her article. However, this letter could have been used next week or even last week. Or better yet, there could have been some note, even a P.S. to say Happy Father's Day. Yes, I am a little saddened that on Father's Day a more positive aspect of fatherhood was not addressed even mentioned, although I am more saddened that this problem of child molestation/incest even exists.
DON'T ISOLATE ENEMIES
I struggle with writing this because I dare not consider any forum or any day for that matter, inappropriate for airing this issue. Before the onslaught begins, let me point out that I bask everyday in my great history and the legacy of women of great strength and character; our overwhelming strides did not come lightly. However, in fighting the battle to protect our children from undeserving fathers and immoral men let us not isolate our allies.
I am in no way ignorant of the hard work of Dr. Simms and other women like her. Maybe it is for this reason that on Father's Day I would have been happy to hear her trumpet sounding for those men doing, what she like many of us has been imploring them to do for years.
CASE OF JUST BAD TIMING
A few years back, the JBC made a similar mistake broadcasting on Father's Day, a Sunday matinee about a father abusing his daughter. A dad watching television with his family would not have been happy. I recall very clearly the reaction of both my male and female friends on campus, they were disgusted for the most part, but also angry that on such a day the media also ignored the other side. The reaction of the men I have spoken to since the article on Sunday has been the same. The women also express disappointment, pregnant women, single mothers, married women (one in the middle of a divorce) single and even childless all shared my regret. One day highlighting the fabulous attributes of our men would not in any way cause us to divorce reality and become permanently drawn into a world of perfect dads and flawless men. The Sunday Gleaner had many other wonderful representations of dads; however, we cannot be saying Happy Father's Day. When I related the story to co-workers they all had similar stories. Two of the men pointed out that when out alone with their children, people always ask where are the mothers, as if the child is out with a stranger.
Much is wrong with the state of our families and our men are far from perfect. I am not primarily concerned about whose fault it is or who started it. It is about winning now and creating better fathers, mothers and families. It cannot be done if we fail to acknowledge the fathers who are like mothers fighting for the well-being of their children. Let them feel we are on their side, let us not make them feel something might not be quite right with them if they act like a kind and loving dad, no, it is not because he wants something. When we see dad doing what he ought to, let us not express shock but delight. Let them feel they can stop looking over their shoulders.
Free ourselves to believe in the goodness of our men and our fathers, one wonders if we do that what are we going to hold against them, but it is okay to hold nothing. It is hard being a man, demanding times and changing roles have led to great confusion. The reality speaks for itself; however, let us expect more. Support our allies remembering that we are learning together, we all lose if they falter. Let us nurture not just our children but our fathers and prospective fathers, it is the natural order of things. Take the moment to celebrate, no buts.
I am, etc.,
SHELLY LAWSON
shannjm@hotmail.com
Kingston
