Melville Cooke I was older then
I am much younger
-Bob Dylan
I ONCE read in a novel that the possibilities for our lives begin narrowing from the moment we are born. By two, the chances of becoming a world class ballerina are almost nil if training has not already started. By five, those who have not yet tinkled the ivory can forget being great pianists. At 10, if the figures are not being totted up properly, forget about careers based on mathematics. And picking up a sport at 15 with the intention of turning pro is just not on.
Most of us are forced to make choices or, by omission, close off our life alternatives way too early. It is just the way life is. And these decisions are often made long before we are ready to do so, or equipped to make them.
Take what we do to earn some money (as opposed to make a living). From almost as early as the child is able to speak the big question is popped: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" So the child feels obligated to come up with something. Anything.
Add to that the choices that the child has to make or the choices that are made for them very early in their academic lives. By third or fourth form the child is quite often required to say which subjects they want to "drop" (and that does not mean picking them back up at some later date) and, heading into sixth form, they are forced to choose between the arts and the sciences.
So quite a few people end up in tertiary education institutions hating what they do or, which is maybe just as bad, not feeling any particular passion for what they have to get up and do five days a week for the rest of their lives.
You do not have to die to go to hell.
Marriage is worse, much worse. Because at least you can leave the work behind or just go through the motions (OK, so some people do that with marriage, I know), but in marriage you have commitments, oaths, children and (gasp and groan) societal perceptions. But how many people actually like the person they are married to, especially when they say the "I do" early? Seriously like them, not just like to have sex with them or like how they look or the perceived perception that comes with being married to them or the financial security?
In other words, how many people (apart from moi) are married to their friends and how many are, like the job, just not feeling the passion?
Y'see, people hook up for some reason or the other at some point in their lives, with all this pressure for marriage coming up after a couple months or years, depending on at what age and stage they get together. So they get married, whether the friendship is there or not, and that's it.
It is worse for women, as that damned biological clock starts running at double time as soon as they hit their 20s (not to mention sagging bust and butt, which decreases the chance of a suitable mate significantly). So it is often a matter of get the kid at all costs.
That is why, I believe, that there is this thing called mid-life crisis, where people wake up at around 40 and say "hey, how did I get to this place? How did I wake up with this person snoring away beside me, in this job I hate, with a falling sex drive and seeing grey hair when I pee?"
The worst thing is that it is impossible to turn back the clock and damned difficult to redirect your life at that stage. The very things that are irritants the job, the marriage, the children are often the only real security in that thing that is thundering at you like a runaway Escalade down Spur Tree Hill. Old age.
Some people have the guts to try though, so when you see a lady in tights, false nails, dyed hair and spike heels at 45, or an "old boy" with a sprightly young thing, think before you laugh. There are many who would like to just let it all hang out just one last time.
Life is just way too damned short. If we all could make the decisions we do at 20 with the knowledge of 50 it would be like perfect.
Life has been lovely
Couldn't have been better
for me
Life has been lovely
It takes humility to see
-Sizzla Kolonji
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
