Wendel Abel - I AM WHAT I THINK LAURA TOOK the letter to her boss to have him review it. He scowls at her. Laura burst out in tears. "I am a complete failure. I can never do anything good. I am stupid." Laura bemoans.
Margaret discovers that her teenage son has been hanging out with a group of boys who have been accused of smoking ganja. The mother is anxious and bewildered. She comes to the conclusion that her son has been smoking ganja and that he is going to fail his CXC exams. She begins to blame her self; " I have been a bad mother. It is all my fault."
Ann Marie just got divorced after eight months. "It was all her fault. That mother -in -law of mine, she just never gave me a chance."
These are everyday experiences aren't they? These persons have one thing in common. They are either unhappy, depressed or encountering some personal dilemma because they are interpreting the experiences or events in their lives in a negative manner.
Ralph Emerson once said, A man is what he thinks about all day long. It is commonly accepted that our thought affect how we feel, how we act, how we relate to the world and how we see the future.
GREATER SENSE
Let us explore the concept of thinking positively in order to achieve a greater sense of emotional well-being and better mental health. By so doing, we can improve our relationships with others, recreate a better future and enjoy a healthier and more productive life.
A growing and popular area in psychology is cognitive therapy where a great deal of attention is focused on our ways off thinking. A number of negative thought patterns have been identified, these negative thought patterns or dysfunctional or distorted ways of thinking affect our self esteem, lead to negative ways of thinking about ourselves, negative ways of thinking about the world around us and negative ways of thinking about the future. Very often those negative and distorted thoughts that we nurture and harbor result in the feelings of worthlessness, depression and hopelessness that grip our lives, affect our relationships with others and stifle our future growth and achievement.
Let us reflect on a on some negative thought pattern that we engage in regularly, then take time out to analyse our way of thinking, learn to identify the negative thoughts and learn to replace them with more positive ways of thinking.
Excessive self-blame: These are thoughts that make us beat upon ourselves more than we deserve. Margaret started to blame herself because of her son's choice of friends. "I am bad mother. It's all my fault".
Scapegoating: These thoughts blame others for everything. Ann Marie blamed her mother law for the break up of her marriage. It is important that we don't blame ourselves for everything at the same time it is important that we accept some responsibility and not to blame others entirely for the things that go wrong around us.
Catastrophic thinking: This is a common mode of thinking that many of us engage in on a daily the basis. "This is the worst country." If something is not working in our favour we commonly hear, 'Jamaica mash up now". It is important that we put things in perspective and reduce the catastrophic thinking.
Ideas of deprivation: "Things are so hard." "We are so poor." Many of us are overcome by these ideas of deprivation so much so that we are overcome by poverty of spirits. When last have you taken a friend out? When last have you invited someone for dinner? When last have you sent a 'thank you' card?
When last have you given a birthday gift? These ideas of deprivation sometimes lead us to think that we are the worst off around and lead us to think that we are never in a position to give, share and remember others. So much so there are many of us around who are always expecting from others but we never give. We never pay the bills.
Labelling: I am a complete failure. I can never do anything good. I am stupid." These were the labels Laura was using to describe herself. Avoid using labels to describe yourself or others. Your behaviour may be stupid for just once. Or you may fail at a particular task just once. But it is does not necessarily mean that you are always stupid or that you are a failure. Again put your actions and behaviours in perspective and stop labelling yourself.
Change your labels, begin to project yourself more favourably and you will begin to attract the friends you want and realise the successes you have been yearning for.
PERFECT EVERYDAY
Unrealistic assumptions: These assumptions describe attributes that we must achieve all at once. If we don't we consider our lives a failure. "I must always be on top." "Everything I do must be perfect." "Everybody must like me." We can't be perfect everyday; we can't be on top all the time. These unrealistic assumptions put us under severe stress to be on top all the times. It is important that we accept our limitations and powerlessness at times.
So let us begin to examine our thought processes a little more. Let us begin to eliminate these negative; distorted ways of thinking that have overtaken
our lives. They also influence the types of relationships we develop.
Begin to address those ideas of deprivation and the poverty of spirits. So many of us live expecting the rainy days so much son that we forget to enjoy the sunny days. Take a friend out and remember take care of the bills. Call someone you have been thinking of recently.
Learning to take responsibility for our action helps to improve ourselves and our relationships with others. At the same time put your actions in perspective and don't beat upon yourself.
Create that positive state of mind that sees things in an optimistic way! Remember we become what we allow ourselves to think; even when we don't think so.
Dr. Wendel Abel, consultant psychiatrist; senior lecturer, University Hospital of the West Indies
