Wendel Abel - I AM WHAT I THINK "I FOUND the greatest love of all, inside of me. Learning to love yourself, it is greatest love of all."
These are lines taken from the song "Greatest Love of all, "made popular by Whitney Houston.
You may wonder what's the relevance of this article to health, but many of the emotional turmoil we face and the psychological distress we experience is related to our inability to love self. What does loving oneself mean? Self-love is not about preoccupation with self, it is not boastful behaviour and it is not being vain. Loving self involves accepting self, treating yourself well and striving to be the best you can possibly be. It involves attending to your feelings and personal needs and ensuring that these are fulfilled.
The Bible teaches us that we should love our neighbour as thyself. My interpretation of this is that before we can truly love someone else, we must first love ourselves. Many persons have great difficulty with this concept of self-love; many of us have been taught that it is wrong to love oneself. However, this is far from the truth. After five years Valerie's boyfriend left her for another woman, she was devastated. " I gave him my all. I made a lot of sacrifice for him in this relationship. Many times I neglected my needs to make sure he was comfortable and happy. Now look, I have been dished dirt."
The problem with Valerie is that she has spent all her time trying to please her boyfriend and she had forgotten to take care of herself. Many of us have either forgotten or did not learn how to take care of self. Ensure that your own personal needs are taken care of. Work to make yourself happy. Do not rely on any one else to do so. When we take care of ourselves we become more confident and focussed. This is not being selfish. Are you finding that you are not getting the attention you want from your spouse, colleagues and friends? Start taking care of yourself. It may make a difference!
"How can I start loving myself," is a popular question asked. So many of us are preoccupied as caregivers, parents, lovers and employees and everyday we continue to give without paying attention to our personal needs and desires. We give, give, and are forever giving. The truth is, we are able to give more and take better care of others when we take better care of ourselves. Margaret likes to acquire the finer things of life but she does not enjoy the material things she collects. She has the finest china stashed away in the cabinet and she never uses them. She doesn't sit in the comfortable sofa in her living room, yet everyday she complains of a terrible backache. She stores all her towels in her linen closet and uses a ragged, worn out towel. She refuses to wear her lovely clothes. This is a life of self-denial, self-deprivation and not enough self-care and self-love. "My life is so miserable," " No one seems to notice me." Margaret complains. After a few months of therapy, Margaret life was transformed. "My life has changed completely," I am now dating and I am experiencing true happiness for the first time."
Just imagine what your life would be like if you should start doing some of the following? 1.Start taking care of your needs; don't expect others to fulfill them.
2.Don't expect others to make you happy. Work on your own happiness!
3.Take care of your body, eat right, exercise and get enough sleep.
4.Set your self-realistic goals and work hard to attain them.
5.Start enjoying the things you have acquired, don't deny yourself.
6.Find time for others, love yourself and share that love with others.
People will begin to find you a better person. Your self-confidence and self-esteem will be heightened. Your personal relationships will also improve. Remember you are a child of the universe and you have a right to be here.
Dr. Wendel Abel, consultant psychiatrist; senior lecturer, University of the West Indies
