Tony Deyal BOB HOPE said that failure was the only thing he was not a success at.
That quip typified both his sense of humour and his tremendous ambition to achieve. He was so much the fast-talking, smart-alecky quintessential American that few people knew he was American by boat and not by birth. In fact, after his death at the age of 100 on Sunday, July 27, 2003, the BBC said, "Along with Uncle Sam, Mickey Mouse and Coca-Cola, Bob Hope was a great American icon. He was a friend of presidents, a hero to millions of GIs, a dominant figure in Hollywood comedy, yet he was born in England."
Hope joked that he left England when he realised that he would never be king.
He was born Leslie Towns Hope on May 29, 1903, in Eltham, England, but changed to 'Bob' because his schoolmates made fun of the name 'Leslie Towns'. Before becoming a professional comedian, Bob Hope tried boxing using the name 'Packy East' but gave it up. "I was on more canvases than Picasso," he joked. Jerry Colonna, his friend, once asked Bob, "I heard you used to box under the name of Packy East, why did you quit?" He replied, "I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them!"
Caught in the tail end of the Depression, Bob joked about the hard times. "Our neighbourhood was tough," he confessed. "We had the typical gang. You know, Shorty, Fatso, Skinny, Stinky. Then there were the boys." He recounted, "A rather chubby lady walked by and the panhandler (professional beggar) went into his pitch and he said, 'Ma'am I haven't eaten in three days'. She said, 'Gee I sure wish I had your willpower'."
STAND-UP COMEDIAN
When Hope started in vaudeville as a stand-up comedian, things were still very difficult, "Those were really tough times. I wouldn't have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the audience throwing stuff at me."
Hope made over 30 overseas tours during five wars, from World War Two to the Gulf War entertaining American troops abroad. In 1991, speaking to troops in the Persian Gulf, Bob questioned all the attention America's new radar-invisible bomber was getting, "The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life." He told the troops in the North African Desert, "Here we are in the desert. Nothing to drink. Water! Water! I didn't pass water for three days!"
When Colonna failed at an assignment, Hope chided him, "An imbecile could have done better." Colonna quickly countered, "That's right Mr. Hope, if you want the job done right, do it yourself."
Hope said of the Vietnam War, "It finally ended in an agreement neither side intended to honour. It was like one of Zsa Zsa Gabor's weddings."
When on his travels and his trip was interrupted by gunfire, a relatively frequent occurrence, Hope invariably asked, "I wonder which of my movies they saw?"
Increasing age did not stop the flow of jokes. Hope said, "I consider myself very fortunate. I owe everything to my family and my make-up man. My wonderful family keeps me going and my wonderful make-up man keeps me from looking like I already went." Complaining about women's liberation, he quipped, "Where else but in America could the Women's Liberation Movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?"
When the university riots started, Hope said, "Students are revolting all over the world. I don't know what they're revolting about, I just know that they're revolting." Referring to his friend, fellow comedian and centenarian, George Burns who died in 1996, Hope reflected,
"In my lifetime I saw the Berlin Wall come and I saw it go. George Burns can say the same thing about the Ice Age."
PASSIONATE
Still passionate about golf, he recounted his problems brought on by increasing age, "Incidentally, the toughest part of the course for me nowadays are the sand traps. It's not hard to get the ball out. The problem is to get me out, at my age!" He also said, "I set out to play golf with the intention of shooting my age, but I shot my weight instead!"
Some of Hope's greatest one-liners are in his films. In the film Ghost Breakers (1940) he admits, "The girls call me Pilgrim because every time I dance with one, I make a little progress." He asks Dorothy Lamour in Road to Rio (1947), "How did you get into that dress with a spray gun?" From the Lemon Drop Kid (1950) came the unforgettable, "You still have your hourglass figure, my dear, but most of the sand has gone to the bottom." This echoed his, "I want to tell you, I was built like an athlete once big chest, hard stomach. Of course, that's all behind me now."
Audrey Dalton tells Hope in Casanova's Big Night (1954), "You mustn't be found in my room. If necessary, I will scream for help." Hope replied innocently, "Oh, I don't need any help." Then from the Cat and the Canary (1939) came the immortal, "They tell me he was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground."
Although considered vain (some people said he could never pass a mirror without taking a second look) Hope never believed it was his talent only that got him to the top. "The only thing I have is timing, and lots and lots of experience," he admitted. "It's not a great talent." His aunt Polly from Cleveland gave him the advice that served him until death."Always leave them laughing," she told him. He did.
Tony Deyal was last seen enjoying the sight of Hope being pursued by Indians ('The Paleface' 1948) and making one of the best puns in the language. "Brave men run in my family," he confessed.
