By Nordia Henry, Staff ReporterPeople who've always rocketed through life, taking problems in stride, are particularly vulnerable. A traumatic event may well trigger them off into deep depression because it's probably the first time they've faced a situation in which they are unable to cope.
They can become overwhelmed by feelings of loss, grief and disappointment and not know where to turn. Here is the story of a woman who was constantly plagued with these feelings. However, she survived, and lived to tell the tale.
CONFUSED
Tanisha had just graduated from high school but was very confused as she did not know whether she should jump straight into university or work. With her mind not yet made up, she decided to take a break and work for six months and then enrol in university in January.
From the tender age of four, she was told by everyone that she had an enquiring mind and so developed her talent for writing and reading. When she went to high school she excelled in every subject except math, which was her most dreaded challenge.
After completing high school, Tanisha was a bit on the downside because she did not have a solid relationship with her parents. In fact, she did not know her dad and her mom hardly ever visited her. Tanisha grew up in the country with her grandmother, who nurtured and cared for her in the best way she could. Every day she would sit and wonder what life would have been like for her if she had the love and support of her biological parents. She often relapsed into this phase, especially when she was with her friends and they kept talking about their moms and dads; she felt angry and rejected. Mind you, her friends were not aware of her situation with her parents, they just thought her parents were abroad.
MYSTERY UNFOLDS
Tanisha's mom lived in St. James and her dad was here in Jamaica but travelled abroad sometimes, so she was told. She often wondered why she was neglected by her parents but one day the mystery unfolded. Her brotherKevin (the second eldest) was having a chat with her and so she seized the opportunity to shift the conversation to asking him about their parents. Tanisha had four siblings, but she was the last child. Her eldest brother, who is 32, was the only child that was not for her father. Her two sisters, along with Kevin, were for both parents. Tanisha was told by her brother that before she came along, her parents lived together, unmarried but very happy. Shortly after she was born, the couple's happiness was shattered. Once, Kevin said, he heard his parents arguing about who was Tanisha's biological father because she had strong Asian features. It was often said that her great, great, great, great-grandmother was Chinese, so it's in the genes.
After that, Kevin told Tanisha that her mom and dad had a big fight one day and their dad moved out. When she was eight, Tanisha's grandmother decided with the consensus of her mother to take her. So, she went to live in the country with her grandmother. After Tanisha graduated from high school, she was working at a pharmacy as an assistant to the accountant. One day, one of Tanisha's primary school teachers, who also worked at the pharmacy, called her to the front to come and meet one of her cousins. When she went she saw this man and he looked at her for about five minutes and then responded, "She is not my cousin, she is my daughter." That is how Tanisha met her father.
CHAOS
Tanisha was so distraught by the incident, so much so that things in her life took a turn for the worst. Recently, she gave Flair a full account of what happened in her life following her father's visit.
"The day I saw my father was the worst day of my life. If the floor could just open up and swallow me like the way the whale swallowed Jonah, I would be very happy to go. After so many years, that was how I met my father.
"I mean, he knew where I was and that I was his child yet for 16 years he neglected me, after he helped to bring me into this world. When I went home I cried and told my grandmother and she said, 'My child you have to learn to forgive and forget'. Then and there, I vowed that I never ever wanted to see that man again."
This happened in June and I decided to enrol in university in August. My grandmother had to leave for a while and she asked if I could stay at home alone and I told her yes. The day after my grandmother left, I was at home and guess who appeared, my so-called father. He said, 'I heard that you are going off to university, do you want me to help you with your expenses?' I replied, 'Go to hell, you think you can just buy your way into my life? I survived without you for 16 years and now I know I will do even better without you.'
He looked at me and said, 'You don't understand, when you were born I thought you were somebody else's child but now you have grown to look more like me, I'm sorry I disappointed you but, if you ever want to talk I'm here. What audacity!" she recalled.
Two days after my father visited, I sat at home alone and asked myself, what did I do to deserve this terrible rejection? Why did my parents treat me like I was unwanted? Then and there it seemed like the whole world was caving in on me. I wished my grandmother was there to console me, but then the thought hit me like a tornado, where was she when I needed her most? Maybe she, too, has deserted me.
Now, I could never stand the thought of life without my grandmother so I decided it was time to end my anguish and misery. I went into my grandmother's room and counted out 42 tablets, these I thought would have been the only option to end my wretched life.
After I counted the tablets, I went into my room and penned a note to my grandmother. Then I took a cup of water and swallowed the 42 tablets.
When I woke up four days later, I saw people in white around me, I had tubes running from my nostril down through my throat, one in each hand and something over my nose which I later learned was oxygen. I asked one of the ladies in white, where I was and what I was doing here, she told me I was in the hospital and why I was there. Then and there I asked myself, what went wrong? I should have been out of this world four days ago. The nurse saw the puzzled look on my face and said, you have been asking for your grandmother, she was here but you did not recognise her but she'll be here soon. I started crying because I did not know how I was going to face my grandmother and other people.'
HOPELESSNESS
During her stay in the hospital, things took a turn for the worse and Tanisha had to be transferred from that hospital to another as her physical condition was deteriorating.
"I vomited so much that I thought my tripe was going to come out. When I reached the other hospital, the doctors examined me, stabilised my condition but told my grandmother I had only two days to live. My grandmother got very angry and she told the nurses and doctors, 'no
one is ever going to steal my baby from me so do what you have to do and save her life because she needs me and I need her. Go now!' she shouted at them.
"When I heard this, I felt so guilty that I ripped the tubes from my mouth and veins hoping this time I would be relieved of my misery for real. The machines started making a beeping sound and the doctors rushed to my bedside while I relapsed into coma for two more days. When I woke up the third day, I felt very strange and numb. I tried to move my lips but no words came out.
"Suddenly, I saw the one person I loved the most, the one person who was always there for me, the one person who I could always trust - my grandmother.
"I stretched out my arms to her and she squeezed my fingers and said, 'Hold on my child, I am here and you will get through this, just hold on a little longer.' I still felt sad because I knew sooner or later I would have to face her and others but my worst fear would be their big questions:
"Why did you do that? Don't you know we love you? Why didn't you let us know something was bothering you?
MIRACLE
During my last two days in the hospital, the psychiatrists came to test my brain to see if I was 'loco'. Today, I vividly recall the discussion I had with the last one who said to me:
'Do you remember me?'
'No, it's the first I'm seeing you.'
'Yes man, don't you remember me fromOld Harbour High?' he smiled.
'You think I'm crazy, don't you? I'm not, either you work at this hospital or someone hired you to come and see if my brain is gone nuts,' I replied. 'You are such a sweet girl, why did you try such a silly thing?'
'I don't want to talk about it,' I said with tears in my eye.
'I understand.'
"Two days later, I heard the doctors and psychiatrists telling my grandmother that it was a miracle that I'm still alive.
"After spending four weeks and four days in the hospital I was discharged with medication and sent home. Seven days after I got home my grandmother said to me, 'I'm not going to ask you why you did it, neither will anyone who visit you. If you feel like talking, I'm here.' I felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders because I was not ready to talk about it to anyone, not then, not ever."
Today, Tanisha still has no me-mory of her parents; in fact, she has not seen them throughout her dilemma even though they knew what had happened to her and where she was. Tanisha graduated from university with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication and English. Currently, she is pursuing a Master's degree in Public Relations and some day hopes to be a lawyer and a public relations consultant.
Names and places have been changed in order to protect identity.
