Girls, you can't do what the guys do no
And still be a lady...
Betty Wright
IT HAS occurred to me that a woman, especially one just beginning - or not yet ready - to explore her sexuality faces a rather difficult time. There are some pre-packaged labels out there just waiting to be stuck on her. If we were talking about men I guess we could say they have dog days ahead.
First of all, if she is not overtly 'getting it', she is labelled a lesbian, especially by the men who have tried to get her and failed. Now that is the male ego for you. If a woman chooses to be by herself and not have a partner, turning down the advances of the wanna-be swains, she must be a lesbian. After all, she could not possibly want to be single otherwise, right? Rubbish.
FRAGILE EGOS
It is also a defence mechanism for said fragile egos. After all, if homeboy has all that makes him desirable to members of the opposite sex - the right car key on his finger and the right brand name on his skin included - then obviously something must be wrong with a woman who spurns his advances, right? Again, rubbish.
Then, if she gets involved with a man, she is expected to stay with him for life, or until he sends her packing. She is supposed to ignore infidelities, as long as "she dun know sey she a de wife", no matter how flagrant they are. And, if she can't ignore them, she is supposed to compete with the other women to "hol' har man".
If she does leave, the break-up of the relationship becomes her fault and she is a bitch and then the keeping of the records begins. The number of partners she has, how far apart they are in her life, how long she stays with them - the works.
So, right at the outset of this sex thing, she has a choice of labels - lesbian, cool (read tolerate anything), bitch or sketel. That, ladies and gentlemen, is much better odds than Pick Three.
Oh, there is another one - fool fool. That is reserved for those who either sit and take licks, or are suckered into a relationship by con men. Now, no male approaches a woman and says 'yow gal, me waan sleep wid yu den go boas' off pan mi fren dem', but many times, after he lies to his eye-teeth, he presents himself as a girlsman and the woman becomes another notch on his instrument.
So those are five titles for that bitch of a life. Of course, there are exceptions, but I have seen very few.
MORE EXPERIENCED
Of course, as women get older and more experienced in the ways of life they get smart - well, some of them, anyway. Hence, the things they would take lying down (pun intended, naturally) at 18 they are often not willing to accept at 30. So, if they have the courage to start over, they accept the applicable title and move on.
To what? As some would say, 'no betta no dey a Tom shop' and many a woman who leaves a relationship finds that the pickings are mighty slim - slim to non-existent, because they are simply not going to put up with anything like they did previously.
The end result? Women riding alone in SUVs, surly as hell from deprivation of not only Vitamin S, but also Vitamin F (that is 'f' for friendship. Tsk, tsk.), driving like hooligans on the city's streets. It must be a hell of a thing to be all educated, in some cases, dressed up, in most, able to provide for yourself and can't look forward to a little loving at the end of the day or back at said loving at the beginning of said day.
And we are not talking about sex here, OK, but a genuine relationship with a decent person of the opposite gender.
And as time goes on, they acquire a couple more titles - target (for the young studs), shelfist and, eventually, ol foot.
Save for the fortunate few, it is a bitch of a life.
Dem gal deh ova deso dem a flex like cellular
Han' to han a get use regular...
- Cobra
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
