Tony DeyalIN THE early days of television and the movies, before wireless microphones or "mikes" were invented, engineers had a difficult time getting good audio and used a variety of mikes to ensure high quality.
There were uni-directional mikes where you had to speak directly into the microphone and omni-directional mikes where the sound could come from different directions.
In those days, even the smallest microphone, the ones actually worn by television presenters, were large in comparison to today's equipment.
Getting "miked" for television was an interesting and sometimes embarrassing experience. Women had to pass the mike under their skirts or dresses and up to their breasts where it was clipped to the blouse.
Men had to pass the mike through their trouser-legs and under their shirts. While the official name of those small microphones was "lavaliere", they became widely known as "bugger" mikes.
SAD STORY
This is the sad story of superstar singer Michael Jackson. He is not just seen as a bugger, but the worst bugger of all, a molester of little boys. In spite of his marriage and children, he is one mike that is perceived as uni-directional and multi-erectional. For many years there have been jokes about his life and sexual preference. The British call him "Wacko Jacko" and his behaviour certainly justifies the nickname.
First, there is the plastic surgery. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalogue. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about? Blowing his first nose. Then there are the jokes that combine Jackson's plastic surgery and perceived sexual preference. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry groceries. Even when he married Lisa-Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis, someone asked, "What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?" The answer, "About two dress sizes." Michael said to Lisa-Marie one night, "Let's watch a video." She replied, "What do you want to see?" He responds, "I'll get Aladdin." She quickly warns, "No Michael. You've been in trouble for that before."
BOTH MALE AND FEMALE
Then there is the story of the little boy who asked his mother, "Is God a male or a female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responded, "Well, God is both male and female." This confused the little boy so he continued, "Well then Mom, is God black or white?" Her reply confused him even more. "God is both black and white," she said with a patient smile. At this, the boy's face lit up with understanding and he exclaimed triumphantly, "You mean Michael Jackson is God?"
At this point it would be difficult to find anyone less like God than Jackson. On Thursday last week, November 20, according to news reports, "A handcuffed Michael Jackson walked into the county jail on Thursday to face child molestation charges that could send the pop star to prison for years if he is convicted- Jackson is charged by the state with lewd or lascivious acts with a child under age 14, punishable by three to eight years in prison."
SLEEP-OVERS FOR CHILDREN
Some media reports have said that Jackson's alleged victim is a 12- or 13-year-old cancer survivor who visited him at Neverland, where the singer was known to hold sleep-overs for children and share his bed with youngsters. In a documentary broadcast on ABC television earlier this year, Jackson said he had slept in a bed with many children. "When you say 'bed,' you're thinking sexual," he said in the interview. "It's not sexual. We're going to sleep. I tuck them in. It's very charming. It's very sweet."
This is not the first time this has happened to Jackson. Similar allegations surfaced against Jackson a decade ago. Jackson claimed to be innocent but reportedly paid a multimillion-dollar civil settlement so that the child would not testify in any criminal proceeding.
While I believe that all child molesters and abusers should be executed, including Michael Jackson if he is found guilty, I wonder what kind of parent would send a little boy to sleep-over at Neverland knowing Jackson's reputation. There have been jokes on the Internet and elsewhere for years.
THROW HIM A BUOY
How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party? There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house. Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart? He heard boys' pants were half-off! What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning? Throw him a buoy!
That's it right there. I believe that parents were throwing their little boys at Jackson hoping that something bad would happen and they could get rich.
It is possible this might not be the case in the present complaint, but the fact that any parent would send a little boy to Jackson's ranch is as disgusting as, or even more nauseating than, whatever Jackson is alleged to have done.
I don't want my son to be like Mike or to be by Mike, and I am certain that parents who really love their children would echo my views.
Still and all, the verdict is already in and as one comedian said, "Michael Jackson was arrested today. You know, the interesting thing is that all this could have been avoided if he had stuck to grabbing his own crotch."
Maybe he could get a special Papal dispensation to do his time in a monastery. He would probably be right at home there among the priests.
Tony Deyal was last seen repeating what Conan O'Brien said, "Jackson was booked and they took his fingerprints. Afterwards the police said this was the first time that Michael's fingers had looked black in years."
