IF YOU are afraid to part with your money, how is that likely to affect any relationship you are in?
Women are often heard grumbling about mean men. At the same time there are men who feel that women are not as willing to share their income as they should be.
Yvonne Foster, a counselling psychologist who runs a private practice in Kingston, notes that the complaints may arise because we have expected men to be the provider in the home.
"However modern we have got, we still see men's roles as the provider in the family."
Are men in rebellion against this stereotype, and how is it likely to affect their relationships?
Psychologist Foster states, "In the new marriage relationship situation, in the new world, women are not confined to domestic work. Many women are working outside of the home which means that the financial responsibility of the home is now a shared one. But, while women do not object to sharing, men may not see why a woman should tell him what to do with his money."
Women, she said, may complain about men being mean because he thinks he should control all the money in the house his and hers, both. He feels he should determine who gets what and when. This, of course, is a problem.
This particular problem arises, our expert note, as men often see money as the control factor. Women see it as just a way to secure comfort. It appears that the sexes will continue to feel differently about money for some time to come. For most women, money is not the aim. The aim is security, comments Ms Foster. For married women, money is about security and making a good life for their family.
The reality is that many women find it difficult to get their partners to even talk about how the home should be run. Some men even object to their women giving suggestions. "The matter is compounded if the wife is more educated. He sees this as a competition," says Ms Foster.
On the other side, women who are ambitious and want to get ahead see education as a way of improving their lives. While education might not give them more money, they think more. For some men, this is a turn off, even though what the wife is telling them is quite valid and will help to make the home more harmonious.
"I have had clients who have separated because of this money issue. The wives have increased their earnings substantially because of education and their husbands have not seen education as the way to progress.
"The men are locked into a feeling of failure because they cannot change their careers to an occupation which is higher paying.
"Maybe I should look for someone who is younger and less educated and will give me my significance back," they often think, but this does not work. Men who feel this way should really seek new opportunities, and change to meet the times.
"As in any relationship there has to be compromises," the counselling psychologist said.
She advises, "Two people in a relationship should be two mature people. One should not be refusing to sit and discuss financial plans." You need to sit and work out how you are you going to manage it.
This is the ideal.
Avia Ustanny
