Tony DeyalI GREW up in a world where 'sexual' was a forbidden topic and 'orientation' was something that happened in the first week of school. In those days life was simple. You were either normal or a 'homo'. There were no shades of grey, puce or lavender. Rumours of lesbianism filtered through the twilight zone of boys' talk but without substantiation it remained a kind of Alice in Wonderland. Then the word 'heterosexual' came into vogue and whether nine, sixty-nine or ninety-nine has proven to be my natural bent, comfort zone and sexual orientation.
Not so for those people growing up in today's world or tomorrow's. The black and white, either-or of sexual preferences in my generation have now given way to many ands, butts and in-betweens. The great divide between homo and hetero, once filled only by 'bi', is now replete with 'linguisticisms' the most interesting of which is 'metro-sexual'.
'METEROSEXUAL'
Interestingly, a 'meterosexual' is not defined as someone who enjoys having sex in the subway. According to Alexa Hackbarth in an article, 'Vanity, Thy Name Is Metrosexual', in The Washington Post, November 17, 2003, 'It was then that I realised why my dating life has been as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle since I arrived in Washington. This city, unlike any other place I've lived, is a haven for the metrosexual. A metrosexual, in case you didn't catch any of several newspaper articles about this developing phenomenon (or the recent South Park episode on Comedy Central), is a straight man who styles his hair using three different products (and actually calls them 'products'), loves clothes and the very act of shopping for them, and describes himself as sensitive and romantic. In other words, he is a man who seems stereotypically gay except when it comes to sexual orientation.
Mark Simpson, a British journalist who contributes to the on-line magazine Salon.com invented the term in a 1994 article and when he wrote a second article on the subject in July 2002, the word 'metrosexual' moved from fuzzword to buzzword. Simpson says, "A metrosexual is a clotheshorse wrapped around a dandy fused with a narcissist. Like soccer star David Beckham, who has been known to paint his fingernails, the metrosexual is not afraid to embrace his feminine side. Why 'metrosexual'? The metro- (city) prefix indicates this man's purely urban lifestyle, while the sexual suffix comes from 'homosexual', meaning that this man, although he is usually straight, embodies the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men."
Simpson added, "The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterialbecause he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modelling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere."
Now metrosexuality is big business. An article in a Puerto Rican newspaper came up with this startling information, "The trend that took off in Europe and the United States is starting to influence tastes in Latin America and elsewhere with metrosexuals seen from the islands of the Caribbean to the spice-scented alleys of India. They represent a booming $8 billion a year industry, according to beauty analysts."
I am certain, given the descriptions above, that many of us actually know a metrosexual or two, or even support, harbour or call one 'son'.
However, why stop at the metro? Why not go the whole distance? There are many Caribbean men who love to dance and party, and who look to score at every fete, function or dance they attend. Clearly, they are 'feterosexuals'. Then there are those young men who like nothing more than a wager on whether they could go to bed with a specific young woman. We have to call them 'betrosexuals'.
SEXUAL PREDATORS
The beach is another place young men hang out in their scanty briefs trying to entice young ladies to join them in or out of the water. They are 'wetrosexuals'. The sexual predators or young men on the prowl can be termed 'getrosexuals' and young, male doctors are 'stetrosexual'. Men who go to the cinemas seeking sex might be 'teatro' and those animals convicted of serial rapes and murders are 'deathrowsexuals' Young novelists like Wesley Gibbings and Kevin Baldeosingh who have a way with words and could be deemed men-of-letters are 'etrosexuals' and those who frequent the chat rooms on the world wide web are obviously 'netrosexuals'.
Then there are the frequent flyers or 'jetrosexuals'.
These variations on the sexual theme do not exhaust the possibilities. Already 'himbo' is an accepted term. It combines the words 'him' and 'bimbo'. 'Manscaping' is also making its way into the cocktail circuit. Worse, there is 'Pomosexual'. But more of that in a future article. In the meantime, enjoy your holidays and if you get drunk at the annual office Christmas party don't get drunk and behave like an animal or 'petrosexual'.
Tony Deyal was last seen saying that he is an old fashioned kind of guy. In other words, a 'retrosexual'.
