Tony Hendriks - JAMAICAN PALEFACETHE WORLD is a sad place if spies can no longer spy. Political correctness has gone too far if Government eavesdroppers and covert peeping toms no longer sneak a peek or catch a drift without a whistle blowing. If all the cloaks and daggers were suddenly hung up and sheathed, we'd be in grave danger that the meek would inherit the earth and we can't afford to let that happen!
The general public may think they want to know everything that is going on but they don't. Not really. If they did, they'd be confused and revolted by the appalling decisions that are made on a daily basis by grubby politicians and dastardly diplomats, far better suited to conducting dirty dealings.
Civilians cannot do spy work! British civil servant, Katherine Gun, disregarded the fact she'd signed the Official Secrets Act and revealed a secret that the U.S. wanted the UK to bug the UN. Quite why she was shocked her employers might listen to Kofe's conversations baffles me. She worked for GCHQ. Part of Britain's CIA. It's their job to tap phones, read e-mails and spy. It's what they do! If you work at Government Communications Headquarters you must realise you're going to snoop. You signed the Official Secrets Act; you've got to figure the work is secret. It's not Burger King. If this was the 1950's or the movies, she'd have ended up lying in a field with a gut full of sleeping pills, wrists slit and bleeding to death. A bit like Dr. Oops-I-let-it-slip-about-the-sexed-up-docs. If she didn't want to play dirty; get back inside!
Espionage was invented so tyrants could remain in power and oppositions could destabilise incumbent governments. Counter-intelligence only exists to stuff activists full of plausible misinformation. Propaganda is writ so that plebeians will believe that their leaders are doing well even when it is patently obvious that the centre cannot hold and mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
Leave the lies and spies to get on with their business. Subterfuge is part of life. Politicians lie, doctors lie, your parents lie, clergymen lie with blind faith so wake up, there is no Santa Claus! Get used to it for God's sake!
Electioneering politicians don't go round announcing that their party faithful will beat six bags of breakfast out of the opposition supporters who live in their constituency and evict them. It might be true but they can't say it. No politician in his right mind is going to tell the truth. They'd never be elected. They have to lie. They can't say things like: "Look, I'm no different from the other guy! I know my party has a different manifesto but it's total rubbish. As soon as I'm elected, I'm going to do exactly what the other guy is doing right now. Get fat, make money and do nothing for you. It's just I can't say it because the party will fire me and you won't elect me. However, I will pay you a thousand dollars in cash right now if you vote for me. Then when I get in I'll make sure that freeness reigns and you'll get loads of cash for nothing. Cool? Good, that's settled then."
How would that look in the news? No one would believe it. Gov-ernments have to at least promise they'll do their best for the people and make a show of a free and fair election so observers can claim: "The will of the people has been done!" Yeah, the will of the people who go out and vote and scare the others into believing they might get knifed or shot.
World leaders are the same. Do you think the Haitian people would have been happy if Clinton had said: "Your nation is facing a revolution, bloodshed, riots and anarchy. You're up the creek without a paddle, so we're sending an army, installing a new dictat- sorry, new government. He'll be in charge with our blessing, until he screws up, which is inevitable because your nation can't survive without huge amounts of cash from us and we only give you enough to get by not enough to change. So, when he fails we'll find another despot to take over. He may be better, he may be worse, he may even be insane, but the only thing we know for sure is he'll be in power for the same amount of time as the last guy and he'll do what we say. Now keep quiet for a while please." It's what they mean but they never admit it.
Superpowers placed the Taliban, Mbutu, Mugabe, Noriega, Aristide and many others. They'll replace them too when it suits. They just won't admit it. What kind of world would it be if everyone went around being honest, telling the truth, not listening to conversations we're not supposed to hear and drawing curtains so we can't see our next door neighbours in the nude? It wouldn't be this world, that's for sure.
Tony Hendriks is a comedian. He can be e-mailed at palefaceuk@aol.com.
