By Wendel Abel, I AM WHAT I THINK 1. Take control of your own life
ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for your life. No one owes you anything. You are responsible for your own life. Plan your future, set out the plans you want to achieve in life and work toward them. Those of us who fail to plan are planning to fail! At the same time, resist all attempts to control and change others.
2. Avoid negative thinking
Try to avoid negative thinking and negative persons. Here are some common negative thoughts.
Catastrophic thinking one bad experience leads us to assume the worst in all situations. John and his girlfriend broke up and he begins to feel that his life is and will always be a failure.
Negative focus we focus on the negatives in our life. Even though she has two wonderful children and supportive relatives, because Mary's marriage has failed, she considers her family life a mess. We need to focus on the positive despite the negatives. Look for the silver lining around the clouds!
3. Celebrate success
Focus on those things that are necessary and positives to ensure success. Celebrate the achievements and successes in your life.
4. Anticipate troubles
Troubles and problems are a part of life. Anticipate them, when they occur don't be floored by them; see yourself as a problem solver rather than a victim.
5. Search for solutions
The car is giving you problems. You are not happy on the job. Your relationship is not going well. You are not happy with your living arrangements. You are having difficulty with your studies. Focusing on the problems, trials and tribulation will not let them go away. The groaning and moaning will not help. Refocus and channel your energies into finding solutions. Explore options. Sometimes it is okay to act on a partial solution when a complete solution is distant.
6. Accept your powerlessness
This one is difficult. There are many situations and events that we have not been able to change like your husband staying out late or your son smoking ganja. If you have explored all your options, accept the unchangeable and learn to accept your powerlessness over that particular situation.
7. Live your life to the fullest
Live each day to its fullest. Stop living everyday as if it's a rainy day, wake up and enjoy the sunny day. Stop the self denial. Start living again. Celebrate special occasions birthdays, anniversaries, success in your examinations, getting a promotion, special events in your spouses or your children's lives. Celebrate. Make an event of special moments and enjoy.
8. Constantly renew yourself
Constantly renew yourself physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Take opportunities to pursue and fulfil relationships. Take care of your body exercise, sleep well and eat well. Find time to relax. Avoid negative dependency behaviour such as smoking, excessive drinking, overeating and compulsive shopping.
9. Express your emotions
Learn to express your emotions. Avoid negative and destructive behaviour.
10. Learn to love yourself
Accept yourself for who you are. Don't try to be another person. We all have to make a conscious effort to be happy. Don't rely on other persons to make you happy. Identify the things you enjoy doing and pursue them, provided they are not destructive. Identify the people who have positive influences on you and who you enjoy being around and foster these relationships. Take nothing for granted in this life and find your centre. Make sure this centre is within YOU.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a Consultant Psychiatrist and Senior Lecturer, University of the West Indies.
