Sidney McGill - HEALTHY SEX 101 THE NEWS is out that HIV/AIDS is a pandemic, affecting all four corners of the world and the Caribbean. Jamaica carries more than its fair share of the pandemic.
As a sexually-active Jamaican how can you calculate your own level of risk or make changes to sexual pattern to give you peace of mind? Your sexuality is one of the most private aspects of your life and you or your partner may be reluctant to reveal past sexual experiences. You may be ashamed or feel that full disclosure would hurt your current relationship or restrict your freedom. The bottom line is that as a sexual person, you must understand your enemy in order to defeat it. Pretending that it is only gays, prostitutes and the very unlucky who become infected with HIV is akin to living in a fool's paradise.
Determining your level of risk is never a simple matter and proper condom use is only a part of the answer. The other part is reframing sexuality letting go of your closely-held feelings that penetration must take place for sex to be most satisfying.
ENJOYING CONDOMS
We naturally prefer having penetrative sex without a condom but proper condom use is necessary to prevent a possible HIV infection. Here are some suggestions:
Keep a convenient supply of condoms in a cool place for 'every time' use.
Never inflate or stretch the condom you plan to use.
Unroll the condom so that it covers the entire penis.
Use condoms even if you plan to only have oral sex.
Pull the foreskin of the penis back before putting on the condom to increase sensation during intercourse.
All oil-based lubricants such as baby oil and Vaseline cause condoms to break easily.
Hold on to the base of the condom if you feel it may slip off.
Adding a dab of water-based lubricant inside the tip of the condom will increase sensation.
After ejaculation withdraw gently. Hold the condom around the base to prevent spilling of the ejaculate or losing the condom inside your partner.
Condoms only have a one-time use. Properly dispose of all used condoms.
PICKING THE RIGHT CONDOM
When looking for the right condom, the operative word is 'experiment'. Buy all types of condoms. Use them in low-risk activities such as masturbation and rubbing between the thighs or the breasts. Break a few to make sure of their strength and what it feels like when one is torn. Thicker condoms do not necessarily translate into greater strength.
More important than thickness is the age of the condom. Condoms have a shelf-life of about five years but begin to breakdown after 2.5 years so buy from a distributor who has a regular turn over of stock. Choose condoms for colour, taste and smells. Lubricated condoms do not easily break and have a moist natural sexual feeling.
EXPLORING NEW SEXUAL OPTIONS
Sexual fantasies, sex talk, flirting, hugging, phone sex, bathing together, body massage, body licking (on healthy, clean skin), consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism (showing off and watching), masturbation (mutual or solitary) and using personal sex toys are considered to be safe or low risk since no sex fluid is being exchanged.
To fight the HIV/AIDS epidemic begin by increasing your sexual knowledge get scientific facts and be open to discussing sexual issues and do not mourn the loss of sexual spontaneity, instead learn that responsible sex can be erotic and satisfying. Abstinence is still the best guarantee against sexually-transmitted infections (STI's) and may help you increase your capacity for other forms of intimacy.
Dr. Sidney McGill is Marriage and Family Therapist.
