You know the stories of husbands cheating on their wives, with other women, of course. But have you heard the one about a wife cheating on her husband with a woman? It happens more than you think. Here is the story of 36-year-old Ruth (her name as well as the names of others have been changed for obvious reason) who describes her marriage as a farce and tells Staff Reporter Kaili McDonnough about her extra-marital affair with another woman, Rosa.
I AM a lesbian and I am living a lie for my own selfish purposes. You see, for as long as I can remember the thing that I wanted most in this life was my own family. Seven years ago I was on my way to achieving this dream when I decided to marry my husband. Although I was not attracted to him sexually, I decided to take the plunge so that I could have a child. After all, in this day and age, who wants to be a single mother if you can avoid it? I cast aside my feelings for women in order to marry. At the time I did not tell him about my attraction to women and to this day he still does not know. I am living a lie because I paint the picture of a happy, loving wife.
I have been a lesbian for the past 14 years. Before my husband and I crossed paths I was living with a woman named Karen. We were very much in love with one another until things went sour. Karen was going through a rough time emotionally and she was taking out her frustrations on me by being abusive. Things became so bad that I had to run away from our house one day after she butted me with a gun. When Karen left the house the following morning to run errands, I collected my belongings in a haste and fled.
I knew that leaving Karen was the right choice because when relationships become abusive, only disaster follows. After staying with a relative for a time, I found a place of my own. I've never looked back on my relationship with Karen.
A few years later I met John, the man who would become my husband. John and I were friends first until we moved a step further. From the get-go I was not attracted to him sexually but I knew that he fitted my requirements for a good father and husband. John is a generous and loving individual and I knew that he would not be the kind of man to desert his family. When he asked me to marry him I promptly said yes and shortly after started planning to have children.
Three years after we got married our daughter arrived. John and I used to make love often, but I never enjoyed it. I did not find it pleasurable and, as a matter of fact, every time he made love to me I was thinking of being with a woman.
After our daughter Cara was born, I began seeing other women. Maybe something is wrong with me, but I have never felt guilty. I am never going to tell John about my affairs because I do not want to destroy my marriage. My family means everything to me. I figure that if John is not satisfying me sexually, then it is no big deal for me to look outside of our marriage for pleasure. I would feel horrible about being with someone else if I had an emotional attachment. I do not feel emotionally attached to anyone else but my husband.
John and I have not made love in over a month. On several occasions, he has asked me what the problem is. After Cara's birth I blamed my lack of interest in sex on post-partum depression. I still use that excuse and although Cara is now four years old he still believes me. I do not know if John is having sex with anyone else, but if he is, I don't mind. I would be totally selfish if I were to deprive him of sex. I can only hope and pray that he does not become emotionally attached to anyone else because I would be devastated.
I do not consider myself to be a bisexual in the traditional definition of the word. Yes, I do at times have to make love to my husband but I do not enjoy it. I do it only out of obligation and get no pleasure from it. Bisexuals get pleasure from both sexes. I am a straight out lesbian.
The name of my current girlfriend is Rosa. We have been seeing each other since December 2003. Believe it or not, I met Rosa over the Internet on a local website. Call it fate or a coincidence, but Rosa and I found out one day while sending messages over the Net that we attended the same evening school. Following our miraculous discovery, we decided to meet and have been dating since.
Sneaking off to spend time with Rosa is never really a problem as I just tell John that I am going to study. Rosa calls me all the time on my cell phone, but when I am with John I have a secret way of speaking so that she knows that I am unavailable. Rosa never gets jealous because she has a complicated life as well. She is separated from her husband and she has a boyfriend who she met before me.
I would never date a single woman as she would demand too much of my time. My situation with Rosa is perfect because we both have to make an effort to spend time with one another.
When Rosa and I make love I feel satisfied. She makes all of my fantasies come to life in a way that my husband will never be able to. I realise that my situation is very complicated, but it works for me. There are many other people in the world who are engaged in worse activities. So what if I have a girl on the side? Men have been doing it for centuries. I am a good mother and a supportive wife. That is all that matters.
