Melville CookeNo: the answer to your question is negative, your request or question will not be complied with.
The Concise Oxford Dictionary, Ninth Edition
THERE WAS a discussion of sorts late last week. A few men were arguing vehemently that when a woman says no to a request for sex from a man, it does not necessarily mean no.
Only two men were saying that no means just that, no, namely me and a white Australian and very good yute whose nickname for me is 'Angry Black Man'.
A couple women were there, but they were not stating their opposition with the emphasis and anger which I would have expected. After all, we are talking about rape here.
I was very surprised to find that such a large proportion of men in that very small group intelligent men and a Christian among them, to boot were adamant that when a woman says no to sex it does not necessarily mean so.
There was talk about 'body language' and some other rubbish, that she wants to test how far you will go and other such justification for rape and attempted rape.
No means no. If a man is at the movies and the ladies who come around with ice-cream, a smile and a tight shirt ask if he wants to buy some (ice cream, that is) and he says no, that's it. If he is at the Trafalgar/Water-loo/Old Hope Road intersection, someone offers to wash his car's windscreen and he says no, he expects that it means no. If someone on the street asks him for money and he says no, he does not expect that the person will pull a knife, put it to his throat and take his wallet, because they read his 'body language' and it says 'yes'.
Then why is it that those who expect that their 'no' means 'no', are so presumptuous as to think that a woman's negative response as to access to her body means 'yes'? And the last time I checked, someone's body is of infinitely greater value than a car. Or a wallet. Your body is the only physical thing you take into this world and everyone, male or female, has the inviolable right to say what they wish to do or not to do with it.
I put a question to the male 'naysayers' on the other side of the debate. If a homosexual man (I used the much more exquisite Jamaican term) approaches you (assuming you are heterosexual) and asks you for a piece and you say no, should he take it to mean 'yes' or 'maybe'? I was ignored a couple times and, when an answer was forthcoming, it was no answer at all. The man who replied said that the situations are not the same, because he is not gay.
Which is precisely my point. They are both unwanted sexual advances. So why should a man be able to say no to his body being touched or penetrated and mean it, but the same does not apply to a woman?
Their arguments, I believe, are based on the notion that women pretend not to want sex when they do. If that is the case, as the Australian said, "no means no. It stops there."
One of the greatest turn-offs is a reluctant woman. If I had to persuade and cajole and beseech, I would be so damned disgusted that I could not stand up to the matter at hand. Secondly, no woman does me or any other man a favour by 'letting off'. Both genders have the same desires and drives. We are gloriously made that way. I aint going to do the nice and nasty with no hypocrite.
If the 'no' means 'yes', then stop an let the 'yes' come to you. Then you can return the favour if you choose to.
One man a good brethren in his 30s said that if you do not insist the woman will call you a boy. Now, tell me, your sense of your manhood is so fragile that a silly woman calling you a boy shatters it beyond repair? So how does it feel to be called a rapist, then? Out of 'bway' and 'rapa', I know which four-letter title I will wear with pride.
And I have one last question for those who think that when a woman says 'no' it does not mean no. If a man approaches your grandmother, mother, girlfriend, wife, daughter or granddaughter for sex and she says no, he takes it to mean yes and presses ahead, do you think it is OK?
Cause mi nuh join the hol dung an tek
Dat a rape
But if mi beg an mi get
Dat's great
Sometime mi preach but mi know mi
wi wait
Me is a yute man whey have plenty faith
-Ol Dawg, Beenie Man
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
