By Michelle Barrett, Staff Reporter
AMINA MAYNEis a teacher in her 40s is a devout Christian who has been married for the past 20 years. She is very involved in her church, being head of her prayer group. In addition she also leads the choir and goes to church every Saturday morning to dust the church benches in preparation for the Sunday morning's service.
Her husband Noelan accountant, is bitter because he believes his wife spends too much time at church and neglects his personal needs as a husband. "Many times I come home and want to discuss how my day was with my wife and she gone to church. Sometimes, the church makes me so upset for taking my wife away from me," he told the Flair as he hissed his teeth.
Bus driver Jason Miles, is another disgruntled husband who is also upset that much of his wife's time is taken up with the church. "Sometimes I feel as if she is married to the church instead of me as she spends most of her time there."
Miles and his wife have been married for 15 years and the union has produced three children, ranging from the ages of 13 to 19. He added that although he knew that his wife was a Christian when they met each other in the early '80s, he never knew that she would become so religious and obsessed with the church.
"Sometimes I come home from a day's work and my dinner is not ready and all she can tell me is that she was over a sister's house studying the Bible. Sometimes on Sunday mornings as early as 6:00 she leaves home even though it's not Sabbath. I mean on Sunday mornings, I would like us to stay in the bed a little longer and talk about things. Perhaps If I didn't love her they way I do, I would have left her long ago," Miles added.
DIFFERENT DENOMINATIONS
He further bemoaned the fact they are from different denominations as he is of the Jehovah Witness' denomination and his wife is a Seventh-Day Adventist, which sometimes causes a clash between them, especially where the children are concerned.
Reverend Stephen Claude-Hyatt, a counsellor who is presently doing pastoral duties at the Saxthorpe Circuit of Methodist churches, said that these two cases are prevalent in several churches regardless of the denomination. He also noted that such issues are also prevalent in the marriages of clergy members and others in high ranking positions in the church.
"For me as a counsellor, this is a big issue which needs to be addressed as a lot of Christian marriages are heading for divorce. Many times the demands of the church is such that it cuts into time spent with family, which eventually leads to a breakdown in that unit," said Reverend Hyatt.
He also added that some pastors are guilty of this practice as they spend too much time at church and neglect their families.
"Speaking from experience, being a pastor is a demanding job but you have to put your foot down and spend some quality time with your spouse and children. We need to remember that the family was created before the church came into existence and God insists that we closely tend to the needs of our families."
Rev. Claude-Hyatt further alluded to his own counselling experiences, saying that within the congregation, it was mainly the women who are heavily involved in the church and as a result, their husbands are complaining about the lack of time spent with them.
"I remember counselling a lady who spends most of her time at church each week. I advised her to cut back the time she spends at church and she bluntly refused to do so as she feels that she will lose the support of her church sisters. She didn't seem to mind that that her husband has taken offence to her spending time away from home," said Reverend Claude-Hyatt.
UNEQUALLY YOKED
On the other hand, he noted that several church sisters are upset that their husbands show no interest of becoming Christians or accompanying them to church. While turning his attention 2 Corinthians 6:14 where reference is made about couples being unequally yoked, he said that there are cases where after the marriage, the husband or the wife becomes saved and is converted while the other has not. He however advised these Christians to bear in mind that they are still married and should remain affectionate towards their spouse and also "live by example". "Chances are he/she may notice the joy you have found within Christ and may yearn for the same thing and eventually follow your footstep."
Dr. Barry Davidson, marriage counsellor of Family Life Ministries, said that there are several issues which more couples today are being faced with and a main one is religion.
"Where religion is concerned it is often times the woman who is going to church and the man is not. Sometimes the man may be interested to go with his wife but he feels intimidated as he (the man) thinks that churches are exclusive only to Christians. Let's face it, some churches are not family friendly as they have several meetings sometimes every night of the week, leaving families with little or no time to spend with each other," explained Dr. Davidson.
This scenario, he notes, often leads to infidelity which sometimes eventually leads to divorce. He further advised couples that they should spend quality time together. "Perhaps you can have a 'Nurturing Night' when both husband and wife spend a night with each other alone without any interruptions. Then another night, you can have a 'Family Night' where both spouses and their children either watch a movie, play games or just rap in order to strengthen the family bond."
Sandra Thomspona mother of two who has been married for 14 years and active in the church, said that she has to consciously make up her mind whether to attend an event at her church or not as she does not want her life in the church to affect her family.
"Sometimes my husband says 'don't go' and for a peaceful life, I don't. I know of some women who get so involved the church and struggle to keep their family life intact. To me, a good church will let their female members of their congregation and men as well know that their families should come first before the church. They should not only encourage them to participate more in the ministry but ensure that they keep their families together."
Names changed on request.
