EDUCATING YOUR child about sex begins before birth. Your relationship with your spouse is the most influential sex education tool you have. Attitudes on sex, like many other things your child learns, are 'caught' rather than taught. If you are embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner then those uneasy feelings will be communicated to the child. Teaching your child about sex is a full-time job with the first lesson beginning at birth.
PREPARATORY LESSONS
From the moment of birth, the child begins to develop feelings about himself (self-esteem) primarily based on the way you nurture and care for him. And those early feelings, along with his core personality, begin to shape his sexuality.
Your first lesson should begin with teaching him to name all the parts of the body. Use proper language, in the same way you would call the first digit on the hand, a thumb, call a penis and vagina by their names. The goal is to teach the child to respect his or her body as a marvellous gift from God. He should also learn that all parts of the body and bodily functions are normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Sex lessons can be taught at any time but a good time is during bath time because you are actually touching all the parts of his body. A child may touch the genitals during this time to quiet his anxiety. It is okay. Do not slap the hands or tell the child that he is doing something dirty. Sex is always a natural and healthy part of life when expressed in the right context.
ELEMENTARY LESSONS
The actual discussion about sex should start at about three to four years of age and no later than six or seven. The more you procrastinate, the more your child will be exposed to inappropriate sexual information from other sources such as the media. Frank discussion about sex becomes more difficult as children grow older.
The dictum for determining the content of your lesson is 'little questions deserve little answers, big questions deserve big answers and frank questions deserve frank answers' Josh McDowell's How to Help Your Child Say No to Sexual Pressure. In other words, use age-appropriate language to explain sexual matters to your child and do not give the child too much information too soon because it can cause confusion and anxiety. Build healthy relationships with your child by habitually expressing your love to them.
INTERMEDIATE LESSONS
At puberty, your child would have caught a lot of the attitudes about sex from you, the media and his or her peers. Find out what is being taught in your child's school on sex and review the material with your child if he or she is comfortable with it. Discuss with your child the following statements: 'premarital sex tends to break up couples'; 'many men do not want to marry a woman who has had sex with many men'.
If you feel you are behind in scheduling your lessons for your child, don't despair. Find biological facts on sex and reproduction at your parish library, bookstore or family doctor. It is never too late to conduct a remedial class. But first, begin to examine your own feelings about sex. Do you enjoy sex? Are you able to tell your spouse about the things you do like and don't like? If you have problems in your sex life, then you should see a clinical sex therapist to help you resolve the issues. Resolving these issues will make you better qualified as a sex educator for your child.
Dr. Sidney McGill is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Executive Director of the Family Counselling Centre of Jamaica, St. Ann.
