Tony Deyal, Contributor
ROBIN WILLIAMS, the actor/comedian says that God created cocaine as a way of telling you that you're making too much money. Comedian Patrick Murray insists that God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world. I can understand the rationale for cocaine and alcohol, but what I can't figure out is, why did He create the cellphone?
While I came up with very mundane reasons like trying to reduce the growing global population through road accidents, or making more money for Cable and Wireless, or even filling our brains with enough radiation to make our heads glow in the dark like television screens, the British have come up with the answer. In fact, they have come up with several answers. The first was dogging. According to one source, Dogging is an extension of swinging parties and involves exhibitionist sex in semi-secluded locations such as car parks or country parks.
The location of dogging events is now frequently advertised on websites or communicated via mobile phone text message. Cellphones and text messages are used to confirm meeting places and identities. Journalist Leander Kahney writes, "Giving new meaning to the term 'flash mob', the British have invented a new sex craze called 'dogging' that mixes sex, exhibitionism, mobs and the Internet." While Kahney believes that the term dogging probably refers to the "walking the dog" excuse proffered to spouses for an evening's absence, it could also be the act of spying on a couple making love. Kahney interviewed Richard Byrne, a lecturer at Harper Adams University College in the United Kingdom who said that dogging is so prevalent, sixty per cent of country parks in Britain are affected by it. One dogging group on Yahoo has 22,000 members. Even though Stan Collymore, the British footballer, admitted that he is into dogging, the popularity of dogging has waned in favour of a newer popular pastime based on updated cellphone technology. It is called 'toothing'.
IMPROMPTU RUMPY-PUMPY
Lucy Sherriff of the Register Newsletter wrote, "Bored UK commuters are arranging impromptu rumpy-pumpy via their Bluetooth phones and PDAs. The new craze - known as 'Toothing' and certain to displace dogging as the sexual flavour of the month - began on a London commute when a flirtatious bluejacking escalated into a meeting in the railway toilets. According to a report on Reuters the first toother was a chap called Jon, who also goes by the exceedingly clever handle Toothy Toothing. He says that he was flirting with a fellow commuter via Bluetooth for a couple of days on his normal train journey. Eventually, she suggested nipping into the lav for a quickie, and toothing was born. Oh, the glamour."
Steve Terdiman of Wired News wrote, "First came dogging, an underground swinging scene where couples and sometimes third or fourth parties engage in public sex for an exhibitionist thrill. And now comes toothing, where strangers on trains and buses and at bars and concerts hook up for clandestine sex by text messaging each other with their Bluetooth-enabled cell phones or PDAs".
What is all this about? It started about a thousand years ago in Denmark, specifically with Harald Bluetooth who was king of that country between 940 and 981 A.D. The name Bluetooth did not have anything to do with his dentures. It meant that he had a dark complexion for a Dane. Legend has it that Bluetooth's greatest achievement was getting people to talk to each other. During his rule Denmark and Norway were christianised and united. Today, Bluetooth wireless technology enables devices to talk to each other. Bluetooth is a specification for the use of low-power radio communications to wirelessly link phones, computers and other network devices over short distances. Many of the new equipment, especially cellphones, have bluetooth capability.
So what is bluejacking and what is this toothing thing? Any Bluetooth device is capable of talking to any other device over a range of a few metres. A phone that is Bluetooth-enabled will tell you about any devices nearby that you can communicate with. That is the basis of bluejacking. What you can do is then send a message to someone within ten yards of you. Some messages are cheeky, flirtatious, rude or obscene and many people have no idea how the message arrived on their phones.
BLUEJACKED
The International Herald Tribune, 17 Nov. 2003, provided an example. A lanky young woman with long brown hair was waiting to take a train at London's Waterloo Station when she got a surprising message on her mobile phone from a complete stranger. "I like your pink stripey top." The woman who looked around in confusion had just been 'bluejacked' by a 13-year-old British girl named Ellie who goes by the nickname jelly ellie. Toothing takes bluejacking to an altogether different level or ballpark. An anonymous guide to toothing says, "Toothing is defined as a form of anonymous sex with strangers - usually on some form of transport or enclosed area such as a conference or training seminar. 'Toothers meet by first connecting suitable equipment - such as a modern phone or palmtop computer. Users 'discover' other computers or phones in the vicinity and then send a speculative message. The usual greeting is: 'Toothing?'. If the other party is interested, messages are exchanged until a suitable location is agreed - usually a public toilet, although there are tales of more adventurous spots such as deserted carriages or staff areas. What happens next is up to you!
Actually, toothing is now spreading throughout Europe and North America, and poor Christian King Harald Bluetooth must be turning in his grave.
Tony Deyal was last seen agreeing with what Tobias Smollett, the Eighteenth Century British author said of his countrymen, "I think for my part half of the nation is mad and the other not very sound.
