IN JAMAICA there is a saying 'tek bad sinting and mek joke'. Since it's education that I will be looking at, in Standard English, this means 'to turn an unfortunate event into a humorous situation'. The following may be an alternate way of looking at education in Jamaica, given the mainly sub-par grades for most of the island's secondary schools, from the Minott/Martin study.
If one were to adopt the American pity the perpetrator's view, it would be easy to blame the end result (bad grades) on others. We need therefore to identify the various distractors that interfere with student learning and lower student performance.
We need to ask ourselves why are single sex schools doing better than co-ed schools? How come boys do so well in competitive activities like School Challenge and Debating but are under-performing in the examinations? If the answer is to be found in making the education system more competitive and less boring, we may well have to reformulate the current subject options and offer ones they can easily relate to.
For the boys computing: VIDEO-GAME SKILLS: (This teaches one how to multi-skill the various tasks of hand-to-eye
co-ordination).
SOCIAL STUDIES: Invading girls schools (this follows the Bush doctrine of the 'strong invading the weak'. This course comes in most useful at Champs time).
PHYSICAL EXERCISE: Street fighting techniques (this excludes boxing with gloves, but incorporates the use of machetes, knives, compasses and sharpened pliers, or any adaptable instrument of mass destruction).
MUSIC: Dee-jaying short-cuts (learn to sing off-key; how to incite a crowd, and follow poor punctuality habits, while learning how to miss rehearsals.
CLOTHING & TEXTILES: Select the right 'Bling' attire (i.e. appropriate team jersey, cap, doo-rag, footwear, to wear, with jewellery highly recommended, especially earrings for boys).
GEOGRAPHY/CHEMISTRY: Getting into all-inclusive parties (how to go on alcoholic binges as underage teens. This comes with a recommended course on how to control vomiting and puking).
CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS: Creating excuses for non-performance: (If successful, one could create a hit tune like 'It wasn't me', or failing that become a politician).
CIVICS/LAW: 'Don' training to take over street corners (experienced tutors available but there is a high turnover due to death or extradition. Successful ones learn the intricacies of several different judicial systems in trying to avoid excessive incarceration).
DEBATING SKILLS: Cable TV analysts (how to decipher what is the best BET/MTV/TVJ/CVM video, or explain persuasively why the basketballer you like is the best at 'dunking').
For the girls (we can't leave out the girls):
CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS: Digi-chatting (text skills and chat-room proficiency)
PHYSICAL EXERCISE: Best 'wining' poses (how to attract/maximise video coverage in public settings. Tutors available from Carnival & street dances like 'Passa Passa').
MUSIC/DRAMA: Choosing the right musical minibus (learning to decide in a few seconds, which bus carries the latest X-rated tunes or adult videos).
VISUAL ARTS: Attracting widespread stares (how to select elaborate hairstyles but yet avoid disciplinary action at school).
BIOLOGY: Parenting skills (applicable only to future teen mothers).
For both genders: GEOGRAPHY: Best mall hang-out spots (where to 'scope out' the opposite gender, while indulging in window-shopping and eating, while delaying going home early).
Now tell me, if most of our students would not end up with passing grades with the new curriculum.
