We've heard the concerns (and criticisms) men on the edge, men failing to live up to their responsibilities, bad fathers, cheating husbands. The list goes on. In this Flair Men's Issue Gleaner Writers Paul Brett, Daviot Kelly and Petrina Francis asked six positive Jamaican men to talk about what makes a man 'a man', their feelings about God, family and their purpose in life.
ERROL DALEY: MEN NEED TO FOCUS
THE WORD 'focus' cropped up a lot in this interview with noted gynaecologist Dr. Errol Daley, who believes that a lack of focus is the major reason Jamaican men are falling behind their female counterparts.
"Their focus is far better than ours," says Dr. Daley, who has been practising medicine since 1972. Women are able to do so many things at once, they can do 20 things at a time. We don't have that, we get sidetracked too easily."
It doesn't mean that he is jealous, however. He believes that competition between male and female is unnecessary. "Here in the office, I'm the only male but I don't feel inferior. I see women very much as my equals," says the father of two.
The doctor lamented the state of the young Jamaican male and society's role in their lives. "I feel that society has failed our young men. Our young men need to have people with vision around them."
On a more spiritual level, Dr. Daley says he is guided by his belief in the ultimate physician. "You can't get anywhere without a belief in a Supreme Being, regardless of what you call Him. This is most important because it sets your path and makes you know that you're not in charge of everything. It gives you confidence that you can move on but it also makes you humble to know that you're not always in control."
He believes that if more men exhibited control, there would be fewer unwanted pregnancies. "Issues such as survival are important but I feel we need to focus more on family planning. You can't tell people not to have sex (but you can tell them that if they do they need to) use a condom. Simplify life."
He feels that his purpose in life is based on what he considers the three essentials - ethos, pathos and logos. Ethos, to improve personal credibility; pathos, a feeling of oneness with everyone; and logos, thinking, specifically about always improving oneself.
- Daviot Kelly
WILLIAM WATSON: SEARCHING FOR THAT 'SPECIAL' PURPOSE
SEVEN YEARS ago when 37-year-old graphic design consultant William Watson blissfully tied the knot with aspiring banker, Karen Lewis, he wasn't bothered by questions about his purpose in life or his role as a man.
Relishing one of the happiest days of his life, Watson reckoned that the answers would come - without creating mind-boggling challenges in his future - as he matured into his role as husband. The answers have not been coming readily, however, and in recent years this man of God finds himself wrestling with those questions.
"I think that God has put us here to serve a great purpose which I am yet to discover," says the director of Ad Lib Graphics Design on Ruthven Road, New Kingston. "You know, there are many purposes to which one could subscribe but there is a 'special' purpose that a lot of us try to grasp in our daily lives in order to feel connected and complete. It could well be spiritual - and if this is so, how do we sustain this spiritual side to keep us sane in this crazy world?"
While still searching for that elusive 'special' purpose in life, Watson says that for now his purpose in life is probably to serve his wife dutifully by being a sensitive husband and a devout father and role model to his daughters - 10-year-old Rochelle and two-year-old Rhianna. "I may as well find my real purpose on this earth by providing my kids with the most positive image of my life as a father and a man overall."
Watson went on to say that portraying a positive image of a man has a lot to do with taking responsibility for securing a balanced family life. "We need to see men creating or, if you will, re-creating a balance between their responsibilities (and the responsibilities of women) in relationships. As men we need to re-visit our traditional roles, acting as the anchor for our womenfolk and children by providing them with the best service through love and fatherliness."
He cites a vast number of insane men wandering the streets as an indication of the breakdown of men's value of themselves and that "creating scope for employment for young men could help in avoiding others going down this route in life."
Curious to find out how he perceives God?
"He is everything that is good. If we try to define God, we should try to capture Him in the good deeds that mankind does and continue to do because mankind cannot define something as great and as limitless as God is."
- Paul Brett
MARK HILL: MEN, STAND UP AND BE MEN
GROWING UP in the humble fishing village of Treasure Beach, St. Elizabeth, didn't hinder 30-year-old Mark Hill's climb up the ladder of success. (He's a foreign exchange trader at Capital & Credit Merchant Bank, New Kingston.) Today he juggles the roles of family man and banker. Here are Hill's answers to four questions on how he views himself and life.
What is your purpose in life?
As a father of two I live to give love and support to these two individuals as they have taken centre stage in my life. This is not to say that I have no room for anyone else. What it means is that I will not be an absentee father but one who has the will and capability to balance all aspects of life. I have goals (educational, professional, financial) and, as such, not only plans have been put in place, but also action has been taken to meet those goals.
What is your idea of manhood?
I am led to believe that the spirit of manhood has been compromised. I grew up in small fishing/agricultural village in St. Elizabeth where my father was seen going out into the fields and trying to make a living so as to keep the family fed. Mama was always at home taking care of the home front and seeing to the well-being of the family. They complemented each other very well.
This is now the 21st century and both men and women are out battling for the same jobs and this I think it is largely due to the fact that men have absconded the role of breadwinner and caregiver. I see this as a real problem in today's society. There are too many boys acting as men and, as such, have given bad name to the true essence of
manhood. It is all good that we are here to help in the process of reproduction but we as men need to live up to the obligation of being a man.
What are some of the real issues that men have?
Firstly, we have too many men behaving like boys and I believe that they have lost like boys and I believe that they have lost the whole essence of manhood.
Secondly, if we look at tertiary institutions we see that men are outnumbered four to one by females. Women are stepping up and stepping out and men are now feeling threatened. It seems that man has become man's worst enemy. The lack of drive to further oneself has led to feelings of insecurity and, as such, women are making the best of this opportunity.
Thirdly, the 'Old Dawg' syndrome has two variations: on one hand, some men think they have to live up to this syndrome, and on the other hand we have men being stereotyped by women (one bad apple spoils the bunch) and this leads to all forms of mistrust.
What is your sense of God?
I have come to appreciate various forms of religion. The one thing that remains constant in all these religious groups is that they believe in an omnipotent being who has His presence in everything that is created. I, too, am of the belief that God's presence is in all that there is and I do humble myself in his awesome presence.
I also believe that in making decisions in life one should always consult with this omnipotent being. Put God first in everything that you do. I believe that I was created in his image and should have fellowship and relationship with Him.
- Paul Brett
