Melville Cooke If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a neatie and wipe the seatie
Sign in a female public bathroom somewhere
MANY A line has been written about Hurricane Ivan. However, while all and sundry have been talking about the national unity it fostered (which lasted as long as there was no electricity), what has struck me is the social divide it exposed.
There is many a dividing line in this country of 'Out of Many, One People'. There is address, there is skin colour, car, credit card - and there is the flush toilet.
Now, Hurricane Ivan apparently brought quite a few people who were either not comfortable or familiar with the WC (water closet, not Winston Churchill) into proximity with the object of their terror. But just as one can only lead Eddie to election victory but not force him to drink, one can only lead people to the Promised Land of the flush toilet - you cannot make them sit.
There were stories of people who made it into the bathroom, but preferred to take things on the ground level. I was reminded of a story about the Brown's Town market some years ago, when the authorities were bemused that there were often neat piles of human manure in the corners of the stalls, while the bowls were in pristine condition.
CHILD UPBRINGING
Potty training is an essential part of a child's upbringing. Controlling the bowels and knowing where (and when) to dispose of the contents is a vital step in their development. Similarly, it is essential that a nation be potty trained.
I know that hygiene is part of the Guidance Counselling sessions in schools. However, I do wonder if there is a specific session on how to use a toilet. After all, when what is at stake is considered, a dry run, show and tell is a small price to pay.
That still leaves the problem of the adults, though, and it is a hard matter to address.
I have tried to imagine what a flush toilet looks like to the uninitiated, those who have grown up on scandal bags and pit toilets. Does it look like something that is too clean to use (assuming that it is clean)? Does the hissing that sometimes happen frighten them? Do they fear that something is in the hole that will reach up and grab them by the dangling parts? Do they think the distance from bomb bay to target is too short and miss the whistle and thunk of pit latrine experience?
Or it may be an ingrained reverence for all things white, as the loos tend to be, so a black unit would have been more inviting. And there is the matter of hitting the target, but forgetting to pull the little handle.
NECESSITY
Potty training is definitely a necessity in this country. And that involves not only correct use, but also the etiquette involved. Like not sitting in the cubicle beside one that is already in use. Certain guttural sounds and splashes should only be heard by lovers of many, many, many years - if anyone at all. There is also the matter of men keeping their eyes front and fixed while using urinals. It is not the time for the eyes to stray, except for straight down. Anything else is uncomfortably close to what Black Ellis would probably call 'neighbourhood watch'.
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
