Hopeton Morrison, ContributorIT NEVER fails to generate significant debate when the question is raised of just how to treat each other's money in a serious relationship or marriage.
The practice of couples keeping money secrets from each other is an all too common occurrence.
It is a fact that some partners will enter into a union with undisclosed financial baggage. Financial obligations such as car loans, student loans, and credit and debit card debts invariably place too much of a negative strain on a new union when couples should really be focused on financial planning for the future. And in case you did not know, some psychologists tell us that financial deception is far more destabilising to a marriage or serious relationship than even a sexual affair.
This is called 'financial infidelity'. Many partners especially the female partner in Jamaica swear by it and rationalise it as the only way they know of to protect themselves and sometimes the children in a relationship or marriage especially so when the male is going through his mid-life crisis and takes up with some young girl for example.
TIPS
Here are some tips to prevent financial infidelity in your relationship.
First, discuss money matters before your wedding day. Remember now that your emotional bonding which may have taken place a long time ago often will not be able to withstand financial incompatibility.
Second, if possible, clear all pre-marital debts. The research is in and it points to greater happiness in your marriage the lesser your debts.
Third, discuss how your families dealt with money issues. One may come from a family which believed in living for today as tomorrow was promised to no one. The other may have grown up with a value system that stressed that you could live for another 30 or more years after retirement and prudent savings is vital.
Fourth, be honest about your finances. Sit down together at the computer or with pencil and paper and work out your debts and salary. To do otherwise is to set your marriage up for the day of reckoning when all comes to light.
Fifth, set common goals by way of dialogue with your partner. That means that you discuss all your financial statements, debt loads and other financial decisions together.
Sixth, develop a budget. A budget allows you to save for future goals while meeting present ones. It also allows you to manage your cash in such a way that your timing of income and expenditure is consistent. With a partner, failing to budget is a prescription for embarrassment, broken promises and a host of ills that could spell disaster for a marriage.
Seventh, there is a tolerable limit to debt and both of you should decide how you each stack up here. Some persons are risk averse, others are risk oriented. Some of the happiest marriages combine both. One party manages the funds; the other is the
'hustler' in the union. Unless both of you establish your
particular risk quotient early in the relationship, you run the risk of managing 'your' money at cross-purposes.
Eight, agree on a personal monthly allowance and do not question what your spouse does with that money. What is interesting is that the amounts need not be equal, only what both partners consider fair.
Hopeton Morrison is general manager of St. Thomas
Cooperative Credit Union Ltd. and lecturer in the School of Business Administration at the University of Technology. Please send comments and questions to: hmorrison@stuck.com.
