Tony Deyal
A MAN went to a psychiatrist and confessed to him that he had suicidal
tendencies. "I get this overwhelming urge to kill myself," he said. "I never know when these feelings are likely to occur."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "In the circumstances, perhaps you had better pay in advance."
Although I did not pay my doctor in advance, I thought of this as he told me my cholesterol level was too high and that I had to cut my cholesterol intake. Now that is all very well and good. I would reduce the risk of a heart attack, stroke or high blood pressure.
However, if a report in the British Medical Journal (1994) is to be believed it also increases my chances of death through fatal accidents, suicide and
violence. A study in another journal, Lancet, done by the University of California, reports a link between low cholesterol and increased incidence of depression among men over 70, although one critic said that being over 70 is enough reason to be depressed. The fact is that the university's researchers believe that low cholesterol
levels shorten the amount of time serotonin, known as the 'feel-good' hormone, is effective in the brain.
SUPPRESSING IMPULSES
Some studies on mice show that cholesterol might help the central nervous system to
suppress harmful behavioural impulses. Monkeys in zoos became extremely aggressive when put on a low-fat or low-cholesterol diet proving that
perhaps butter is better (Psychosomatic Medicine 1991). Men who commit murder in a fit of rage have also been found to have below average cholesterol levels.
A study in Lancet (1992) found that some cholesterol-reducing drugs may increase aggressive behaviour as a side effect. Then again, medication might not be the cause of the aggressive behaviour. University of California medical researchers compared the blood cholesterol levels of 79,777 Swedes with their subsequent police records. They found that lower than
average cholesterol was strongly associated with criminal violence, even when the criminals were compared with people the same age and sex who had the same levels of education and drinking patterns (Journal of Psychiatric Research 2000).
What does this all mean? It goes beyond the saying that
as you get older, everything is
illegal, immoral or fattening. Everything becomes downright confusing. While being obese is bad, research shows that if you are on one of those extreme
macrobiotic diets you may have other problems that might be worse. The American Academy of Cosmetic Surgeons has warned that vegetarians on poorly balanced food intakes suffer
scarring and delayed healing after even relatively minor operations. There are some nutrients like albumin (found in proteins),
vitamins A, C, K and B complex, and minerals like copper, iron, manganese and zinc which are important to helping wounds to heal.
However, being thin might not be everything. According to the Cooper Institute for Aerobics Research in Texas, a study of 25,000 men for 20 years says that it is not fatness, but fitness that counts.
Thin people who don't exercise are more at risk than fat people who work out. The head of the institute is quoted as saying that when researchers study obese people they find illnesses they blame on fat. However, it is
laziness (and perhaps that of the researchers' as well) that is to blame.
NO NEED FOR ...
So where is all this heading? To quote the doctor whose patient said, "I keep thinking I'm a clock," the solution is that there is no need to get yourself wound up. No need for the advice the doctor gave the manic depressive either, "Calm down, cheer up, calm down, cheer up." What you have to do is to take the advice of the doctor whose patient swallowed the film from a camera, "We'll just have to wait to see what develops."
What could develop is some kind of syndrome like Chinese Restaurant Syndrome. This is the name given in 1968 by Dr. Robert Byck, a researcher at Yale Medical School, to symptoms like headache, throat swelling, sweating, hot flushes, chest
pain, numbness, abnormal heart rhythms and restricted breathing after eating Chinese food. Byck blamed the powder monosodium glutamate (MSG) which is a
popular Chinese flavour enhancer. MSG resembles one of the brain's neurotransmitters, glutamate, and could also be responsible for
'glutamate-induced asthma' and 'hot dog headache' according to chemotherapy experts at the Mount Sinai Medical Centre.
John Peters, a University of Southern California epidemiologist claims (Journal of Cancer Causes and Control) that children who eat more than 12 hot dogs a month appear to have nine times the
normal risk of developing childhood leukaemia. The journal also reported that children born to fathers who ate hot dogs before conception have a significantly higher risk of developing brain tumours.
DISEASE FOR EVERY OCCASION
The research quoted above is
a sampling from The Hypo-
chondriac's Handbook, which provides "a disease for every
occasion and an illness for every symptom." It includes facts like blowing your nose can fracture your skull and women with a breast size of 'D' cup or greater score on average ten IQ points higher than those with A or B cups. It says nothing about implants. Statisticians say, however, that well-endowed women are viewed as less intelligent because men pay more attention to their cleavage than their conversation. Perhaps the most interesting of all is that big sports events can be bad for sex.
Isis, a health care market research company, says that sales of erectile dysfunction drugs such as Viagra dipped
during the World Cup in 2002. Prescriptions dropped from about 25,000 a month to 13,000 proving that the men were
getting high on sports and
nothing else. In unrelated news, a global survey in the British Journal of Science found that penile fracture is 'not rare'. That proves that watching sports on television is not the only way to really break up a relationship.
Tony Deyal was last seen saying that when faced with such contradictory evidence about health issues, it is like having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. You think you've forgotten this before.
