STEPHEN CLAUDE Hyatt, clinical psychologist and associate counsellor at Family Life Ministries, quoting from research done in the 1990s and published in the book Before You Say I Do by Barry Davidson, says that the needs of men, though they speak little of them, are not a mystery.
Men have five basic needs. In order of priority, they are:
1 His need for sex. Unlike women, men, generally speaking, compartmentalise their lives. Sexual contact and sexual intercourse are very important and there is never a time when the man does not want to have sex. Women are not like this. If things are not fine in one area of the relationship, she will not want to give her body to her partner. Men, however generally speaking do not get 'headaches' when time comes for having sex.
2 The second need of the male is companionship. A lot of people do not realise that men need companionship. In counselling sessions, a number of men have admitted that they were unfaithful because their female partner would not listen and she did not have time to share the highlights of his day to talk about politics, football, foolishness. A man likes to have a woman by his side when it matters. He likes to know that she is available to attend functions with him.
3 The third need of the man is the need for his woman to look attractive at all times. According to psychologist Hyatt, "Even if she just had a baby, he wants her to look good. This attitude might be unrealistic, but after marriage there are often complaints by the man that 'she let herself go.' Men need women to look attractive as it gives them points and other men, they believe, will say that she is a catch.
4 Men need attention. They love attention. Attention from the woman makes them feel good. The attentive women, they feel will, be always checking that they have eaten, that they are ok. Men need to be nurtured, but at the same time, counsellor Hyatt notes, men also need their space. They like to be by themselves, especially after a long day at work. At this time of day, a woman might feel the urge to share, but she should understand that the man needs to chill. He will do this by watching TV, reading a book or just by lying down before coming in search of companionship and attention.
5 Men need their women to be good domestic managers. The counsellor notes that this does not mean that men are asking their wives to be helpers. But, men expect women to "take care of things", especially if they are living together. If there is a helper in the home, he still expects her to be the one who manages, organises and knows whether or not the food is about to run out or they have clothes, clean and ironed in the closet.
According to the clinical psychologist, all of the expressed needs of the male amount to one word, respect. "If you do not respect him ( the male partner), nothing will work. A lot of women disrespect men in public, treating them like boys, 'dissing' them. Men shy away from this kind of treatment. At the same time, some women who are strong and independent will flaunt their independence.
They do not want or allow the man to do things that make him a man." This, the counsellor notes, men will always see as disrespect.
"If you give the man every thing he needs sex, companionship, attention, you looking good and you are a good domestic manager and he feels comfortable around you, there is almost nothing that a man will not do to maintain such a relationship, "the counsellor stated.
- Outlook Team
