Sidney McGill
REPEATING ROUTINE activities is a good thing if you are balancing your cheque book, practising scales on the piano or paying your tithe at church. However, it is one sure way to kill the fun in your sex life.
Before we even look at ways to add more spice to your sex style, declare to yourself and then to your partner that you are going to make the extra effort from here on to raise the sexual fun bar a couple notches higher, starting this week.
GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT SEXUAL FUN
It is one thing to know that your sex life needs an upgrade, but you must commit yourself to making the changes necessary. Change can happen only if you just do it! So put your hand on your heart and say: I am the sexiest (man/woman) alive! If you trust the writer to guide you in things sexual then let us launch a voyage of sexual discovery beyond anything you have experienced. Prepare yourself for the rewards: increased respect, devotion and an upward adjustment of the happiness thermostat in your relationship once you gain the confidence. Now try this:
SEXUAL FANTASIES
Sexual fantasies are wishful thinking that can be a major arousal factor even without them becoming a reality. But, acting out your fantasies is a sure way of turning on the heat in the bedroom. My only caveat to you is never force your partner to act out your fantasy if he or she is unwilling. Some fantasies are unrealistic, illegal and downright dangerous to you or your partner. So, let your moral fortitude guide you in your sexual fantasy adventure.
Now, divide eight cards between you and your spouse. Each of you should write down four sexual fantasies you've had one on each card. Go for dinner at a nice restaurant where you have some privacy. Over dinner and some wine take out your cards and whisper to each other what you wrote. After disclosing your secrets to each other, both of you should rank how you feel about trying out each fantasy with one of the following numbers: 1. = 'yes', 2 = 'maybe', 3. = 'never'. Delete fantasies that get a '3' from either or both of you. Hopefully, no one in earshot will suspect what your code means. Place the cards with a '1' or '2' rating in a sealed envelope and later agree on trying out one of the fantasies when you both have enough time for each other and are relaxed.
You can increase the anticipation by setting a date and time for the event, and teasing your spouse over the phone about doing a number 1, or 2 on him or her. When you are ready to experiment you may want to have a glass of wine to loosen your inhibitions.
If you have a database of fantasies, choose those that you think your partner would more than likely agree to.
If you have been there and done that, then respect is due but if you feel you have no desire and couldn't care less, or hate the thought of sex, write me and tell me about it. Perhaps I can be of help to you with your desire problem. I hope that you will gain the courage to step out of bedroom boredom and proceed with total abandonment.
Next week we will look at other dressings that you can add to your vegetable salad.
Dr. Sidney McGill is a marriage and family therapist and executive director of Family Counselling Centre of Jamaica, St. Ann; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
