Claudine Housen, staff reporterThis is a mother's story highlighting the reality of how easy it is for the abused to become the abuser, almost to the extent of murder and suicide. This is also a story of out reach, forgiveness and love.
WESTERN BUREAU: PAULETTE BAILEY had no job, no money and four children she could not care for, and after years of abuse at the hands of her boyfriend, she decided the children had to go she was going to kill them.
"I decided to go and kill ... I decided to get rid of them. Sometimes they would say, 'Mommy yuh gwine kill me?' and mi seh yes."
Having been slapped with a machete on numerous occasions in one of her relationships, and manhandled to the extent that she was forced to sleep in abandoned buildings at night, Ms. Bailey's story highlights the reality of how easy it is for the abused to become the abuser.
She had succeeded in leaving her boyfriend, and with a little help she was doing her best to make ends meet, but when he was incarcerated five years later, she was again plunged into darkness.
"The father was in prison, but we parted five years before," Ms. Bailey explained. "While he was away I saw that everything was on me only no help from his family. I decided the best cure for all that I have been through was to take it out on the children. I decided, you know what? I nah
give them nothing fi eat, the little I have is for me ...and when dem cry - the more dem cry the more I beat them."
This was how the situation continued until one day, Ms. Bailey was called in to speak to her son's, teacher. He has been absent from basic school for about three months.
"I was talking to his teacher about the condition of what I was going through and she said she is sending me somewhere and I must go." Ms. Bailey said. "She gave me directions."
The place she was to visit was the Family and Parenting Centre, on East Street, in Montego Bay. Although just a taxi ride and a few steps away it took some time for Ms. Bailey to take the teacher's advice. One of the main reasons it took so long she says is that she had no money.
"I did not go for three weeks because I did not have any money. She (the teacher) gave me money but I took it and buy Lasco and sugar because I did not have any money," she said.
"I waited until my biggest daughter was to pick up her school report," said Ms. Bailey, who added that had it not been for the persistence of her eldest daughter, she would not have gone. "I went there (to the school) and was coming back and she asked me, 'Mommy you not going to the place whereJohnny teacher tell you?'"
Prodded by her daughter Ms. Bailey found the place but it was another struggle to mount the 20 or so steps to the office.
"I came up two steps and I turned back. I came up three steps and that was it. I said you know what I am not going," Ms. Bailey said, describing her first journey to the Family and Parenting Centre. "I did not want anyone to say anything to me. I did not want any counselling. I did not want any love at that time because I did not have any love at that time."
It was battle of wits between Ms. Bailey and her oldest daughter who accompanied her and it was not until her daughter started to cry that Ms. Bailey gave in.
The turning point
Ms. Bailey remembers the first time she met Dr. Beverley Scott, Chairman and Co-ordinator for the Family and Parenting Centre.
"I was sitting there (in the waiting area) not even 10 minutes and I saw this smiling lady," she said. "When I saw her smiling everything was gone but there was still a bit of stubbornness in me. I did not want to tell anyone what I was going through. Anyway I went into the office and that was where it really began."
Ms. Bailey said she told Dr. Scott how she was abused and how she treated the children and then Dr. Scott called in her daughter and they prayed.
"She called her (my daughter) inside... and she (Dr. Scott) prayed," she said. "Immediately I was cured from all the anger and the bitterness and the hatred for everybody who was around me.
Today, a baptised mother who is in the process of re-learning how to love and care for her children, Ms. Bailey is thankful to God and to the Family and Planning Centre for giving her a second chance.
"I almost throw the towel in. I almost commit suicide.
I almost poison myself. I almost killed the children," she said. "She (Dr. Scott) moulded me and I really thank God for the day I came to the Family and Parenting Centre. I have opened my heart to God and asked him to forgive me for all the things that I have done to these children and I started to love them more."
One of her greatest joys, Ms. Bailey said is that she has earned the forgiveness of her children as well.
