Wendel Abel
THE DEVELOPMENT of a healthy self-esteem is critical to the development of your child. Positive self-esteem determines self-confidence and impacts on intellectual development and academic performance. Children with positive self-esteem are better adjusted and tend to be more successful socially, at work and in other spheres of life.
Children with positive self-esteem take pride in their accomplishments, feel empowered to assume responsibility and to attempt new tasks and challenges and are able to handle their emotions. Children with poor self-esteem often feel unloved and unwanted. They lack self-confidence and tend to undervalue their own talents and abilities. In addition, these children are easily influenced and are less able to resist peer influence.
Parents play a critical role in
the development of the child's self-esteem.
Here are some tips to develop your child's self-esteem:
1. Praise and reward your child. When a child does something good or completes a task or chore give praise and encouragement. Reward and praise the simplest of task, such as cleaning one's room, cleaning one's shoes, doing one's homework or performing a kind act. In order to reinforce the qualities in a child, you must reward and praise the child. Tell your child you appreciate what he or she has done as often as
possible.
2. Do not compare your child. Each child is different. Do not compare your child with other children. Thereis a tendency to compare a bad quality of one child with the good quality of another child. Every child has his or her weaknesses and strengths. Acknowledge the unique qualities of your child, his or her strengths and special talents and let your child know this.
3. Show love and affection. Children need plenty of love and affection. If a child grows in an environment in which he or she gets a lot of love and attention he or she learns to value himself or herself and his or her talents and also learns to love others. Many parents have difficulty showing love and affection to their children simply because they themselves did not receive love and affection and, therefore, do not know how to do so. Many fathers have great difficulty expressing emotions, especially toward their sons. I have had many male patients who tell me, "My father never hugged me." Start loving and hugging your child today.
4. Use "I messages"; avoid "You messages" to communicate negative emotions.
Your child has not done his or her homework; instead of saying, "You are worthless" say "I am very disappointed that you have not done your homework." Your child has spent a lot of time on the phone; instead of saying, "You are no good" say "I am very upset that you have spent a lot of time on the phone." 'You messages' humiliate and put down. 'I messages' express how you feel.
5. Reassure your child that it is OK to fail at times.
There is nothing wrong with failures. This is how we learn. Let him or her grow to accept failures and to be able to learn from his or her mistakes; it is the only way to learn something new. Stop creating superkids; this is the way many children are destroyed.
6. Do not ridicule or shame your child.
Avoid name calling such as you are 'black and worthless'; 'You are no good like your father'. Avoid names that will put down your child like 'lazy', 'dunce', 'worthless' and 'ugly'.
7. Teach your child core values. The importance of hard work, the need to be well mannered and respectful. Emphasise the need to take responsibility and to be honest in life.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
