Ivrett Williams, Contributor
MARRIAGE IS a serious venture into which one should not enter lightly and unadvisedly. A successful marriage is considered to be a 'work in progress' and not an achievement. This takes time and effort and persons entering marriage must be willing and able to do the work necessary to make the marriage successful. There are several factors to consider when determining one's readiness for marriage.
Guys, a woman desires financial stability, so ensure that you are in a stable job before you 'pop' the question. Although your woman may be working, research indicates that the stability and adjustment of the marriage are directly related to the income of the husband. The indication suggests that the lower the husband's income, the greater the possibility that the marriage will be more unstable and maladjusted. Also, if you are not experiencing job satisfaction, your frustration can have a negative impact on the home.
Very important element
There are some guys who are uncomfortable accepting advice from others. The giving and taking of advice is a very important element in marriage. Although the man is head of the house, a wise man considers the union as a team and accepts the contribution of his spouse. And by the way, your woman needs affection. Affection is playing in her hair. It is calling her in the middle of the day 'just because'. It is taking home a bunch of grapes and not eating half of it before you reach home. Affection puts her 'in the mood'.
If you are getting married for the second time, the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than for couples getting married for the first time. It is felt that this is partially due to many divorcees getting involved in another relationship without taking the time to really process the highs and lows of their previous union. A divorce represents a loss, and the divorced person who immediately marries again may feel he or she has solved the pain of the loss when, in fact, the loss has not been processed and learned from. The same issues that led to the first divorce will reappear in the next relationship.
Imperfections
Are you aware of your imperfections? Nobody is perfect and unless you are aware of your imperfections, you will enter marriage seeing yourself as perfect and thinking it necessary to always outline the faults of others. Faults are like the headlights of a car, those of others always seem to be more glaring. Are you mature enough to share your displeasure with the person concerned instead of 'washing your dirty linen in public?' Do you have the 'guts' to confront someone about wrong-doing and do so without gloating? You cannot change what you cannot confront. Can you accept criticism gracefully and not see it as an attack on your self-worth? In marriage there will be not only compliments, but also criticisms.
How is your self-esteem? Where self-esteem is extremely low, there may be an inability to love oneself. In order to give love to another person, you need to be able to give love to yourself first. When self-love is difficult, loving someone else is also difficult. Persons with low self-esteem believe that they have little love to give and that their expressions of love have no worth. Even if love is felt, persons may have difficulty expressing it. These persons believe they are not worth loving and often find themselves in relationships with people who do not treat them with love or respect. Such relationships set the stage for emotional and physical abuse. Marriage does not build self-esteem.
Socialise
When you say 'I do', you are not only embracing the person who is standing beside you at the altar, but all of that person's relatives and friends. Marriage turns a 'me' into a 'we'. If you do not like to socialise, or to entertain family and friends, you may not be quite ready for marriage. And by the way, if friends and family are not in agreement with this marriage, they will work against it.
By the way ladies, if you have been sexually abused, unless you have been healed, you may have intense negative emotions such as fear, guilt or nausea when touched. You may feel emotionally distant, seeing the sex act as an obligation. Men desire sex, sex, and more sex. Claiming headaches will not cut it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment that comes with attending challenges. If you cannot be faithful to one woman, or man, you are not ready for marriage. If you cannot keep a job, you are not a good candidate for marriage. If you cannot take care of a home you are not ready for marriage.
