Peter Espeut
WHEN GIRLS of eight and nine years old are sexually abused - and then killed - it makes you stop and think. What would be going through the minds of men who would do something like that? We too easily write off this behaviour as insanity, and in this case it might be; but this kind of behaviour could also be an extreme case of men not in control of their sexual urges; in other words, an extreme case of sexual immaturity.
The struggle for maturity is a struggle for self-control. We humans are members of the animal kingdom, with many of the animal instincts of lower beings. Built into our make-up are chemicals which trigger a range of 'cravings' in our heads and our bodies which we call 'appetites', and we have appetites for food and drink and sex and all sorts of other nice things. The too-fleeting feelings of 'pleasure' we obtain while we perform our bodily functions are also chemically induced.
The essence of immaturity is to live life satisfying every craving that arises to obtain the 'pleasure', and our modern culture promotes this. Popular songs advise us that: "If it feels good do it! If it feels good do it! Do it! Do it! Do it till you're satisfied". "Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop till you get enough". The message is clear: give in to your appetites, whatever you feel to do, whatever feels good. Immediate personal gratification!
Common sense will tell us that this cannot be a guiding philosophy that builds up society or persons. Infants quickly learn that they have voices and legs, and bodily functions that get rid of waste matter that their bodies cannot use, and parents and teachers and others will need to spend many months and years training children not to shout in front of the staff room, not to run along the corridors, and not to urinate into the school garden.
Children have to be taught that they cannot have the nice ripe Julie mango on their neighbour's tree without asking, or a taste of their grandfather's white rum or gin and wine until they are older. Teaching restraint and self-control is an essential part of the education of children, so that in later life they will live lives of restraint, respecting the rights of others.
NOT SUCCESSFUL
We are not always successful in these areas, and we are definitely not very successful in teaching restraint in sexual matters. Drunkenness and obesity shows lack of restraint with food and drink; robbery and theft is lack of restraint in wanting to possess things; rape and carnal abuse is lack of restraint with respect to our sexual appetites. One of my brother deacons puts it well: "It is not every time you itch that you mus' scratch." Soldiers on parade have to learn that. Self-control and discipline are the same thing.
The marriage contract calls for faithfulness until death; sexual intercourse between husband and wife is the consummation of their love and the seal on their wedding vows. When I counsel couples for marriage I am careful to explain that marriage to one person does not mean that we will not be attracted to others; in fact, not to be attracted would be abnormal. Marriage is only for mature people, people who are in control of their bodily functions, people who expect temptations and are skilled in overcoming them, and people who can make lifelong commitments to each other.
The main difference between humans and other animals is that we can think; we can stand back and reflect on ourselves, on the feelings we feel, on our bodies and our minds. It is in using our brains and our minds that makes us real men and women, not in doing what dogs and donkeys do.
My condolences to the families of those two little girls who lost their lives in Town Head, up the road from Frome. They deserved a chance to grow among us and to flower into maturity at their own pace. They are victims of a still immature society out of control.
Peter Espeut is a sociologist, and a Roman Catholic deacon serving in rural St. Catherine.
