WHEN A woman says, 'I want a good man', society immediately thinks about sex. But unlike the man who thinks about sex so many times per day, the woman is many times looking at a total package.
Unfortunately 'I want a good man' seems to be the cry not only of many single women, but also many married ones as well. The haggard housewife who has to be the provider, protector and lawmaker in a house in which her spouse is simply a shadow angrily asks for a man. The married woman who feels frustrated after another unfulfilling sexual experience silently screams, 'I want a man.'
It is apparent that the man's desirability is waning as a result of his abdication as leader, his absence from the dinner table, his lack of performance in the bedroom and his inadequate role as provider. With more single women heading households and some claiming that single parenting is just as good as that provided by two parents, one is forced to pose the question, will men eventually become redundant? Why would one even pose such a question considering the major roles that the man is expected to play? Let us talk.
The woman wants a man who will be a provider; she may not be looking for a Bill Gates, but she is certainly looking for someone who will be able to take care of a home and kids. However, as a financial provider, statistics show that he is marginally represented at the workplace. An American study has established a link between unemployment and family break-ups in so far as joblessness reduces the attractiveness of men as marriage partners. This results in power struggles in the home as the woman's economic status increases while his remains static or decreases. Women are becoming better educated and are staying longer in their jobs. They are also prepared to accept lower paid jobs more readily than men. This sometimes results in abuse as the man rejects his subordinate economic status by trying to regain his position of power through brute strength.
What about the enjoyment of sexual intimacy, you ask. You will need a man for that. Don't be so sure! With the increase of highly sophisticated and satisfying sex toys (I have been told) many women (including married ones) have found ways of sexual satisfaction without the aid of a man. A woman is also looking for a man who will provide some companionship. There are many women who have, for a long time, been emotionally distant from their spouses. Loneliness does not respect age, social standing or marital status. How can a man who finds more pleasure in being with the boys be a good companion? Thank God for the Church, the telephone and the television set. They will never leave you nor forsake you.
Male bashing?
Am I bashing our men? God forbid. However, since research indicates that about 60 per cent of all diseases are stress-related, why put oneself through the stress of being faithful to an unfaithful spouse and taking care of half of his bills as well as all of yours. I am forced to admit that (some) men, based on their performance (or the lack thereof), are simply becoming redundant. Who needs an obnoxious baby father visiting once per month and demanding sexual favours before he doles out pocket money to take care of his child? Why seek protection from a man whose polygamous nature makes it impossible for him to provide protection for three homes at the same time? Why be companion to a man who continues to embarrass you at social functions because he thinks social graces are for women and constantly slurps his soup using the table napkin as a 'bib' around his neck?
There are those who are quite adamant that the male species will never become redundant. As procreator he will always be needed for the propagation of mankind. True. And you shout triumphantly that no number of sex toys can compete with the closeness in male-female sexual intimacy (sic ... true). Unfortunately, as financial provider, the decline of his economic position shows no sign of abating. The Jamaican women have mastered the art of survival and are becoming tired of the 'jokers' who keep parading themselves as men. On a positive note, there are men who are serious about their commitments. They are fighting against the prevailing negative image of manhood by being supportive spouses and making tangible investment in their children's lives. Respect due! Unfortunately, they are outnumbered. Guys, enjoy being a man, but unless you begin to take your roles seriously, your redundancy letter awaits you!
Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Send enquiries and comments to letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com.
Ivret Williams
