Michael Reckord, Contributor
"THE GOVERNMENT should be mightily pleased with Cable and Wireless for offering Jamaica this latest high-speed Internet service, Artie," I said to my young friend as we sat reading the newspapers on his verandah the other afternoon.
"I'm sure," he replied. "You notice how quickly they've had it installed in Gordon House? Now parliamentarians can have access to it at the taxpayers' expense."
"I was thinking they'd be pleased because, according to the phone company's president, Mr. Davis, the use of the high-speed Internet can pump billions of dollars into the country's economy."
"Sorry to be cynical, Dads, " said Artie, "but I think it'll be popular with Jamaicans because we love to chat more than we love to work. Look how we've taken to the cell phone. We'll probably set up a lot of gossip websites like one I was on this morning."
I looked at Artie in mock surprise. "You on a gossip website! So it's a case of kettle calling pot black."
RESEARCH
Artie looked hurt. "Dads, I was doing research. I'm practising to be a journalist."
"What were you researching?"
"About how the middle-aged American novelist Terry McMillan split up with her young Jamaican husband when he admitted he was gay."
"And what would a budding journalist do with that bit of gossip?"
"Well," Artie said, "I immediately went searching for a similar local situation, so I could write an article. I discovered this handsome 22-year-old toy boy who lives in the inner city and interviewed him on tape. Want to hear it?"
"Of course," I said. This set Artie laughing, but, diplomatically - without suggesting that I, too, had been snared in the gossip trap - he pressed the play button on his tape recorder.
Artie: You look about 20. How old is your uptown girl friend?
Toy: I'm 22. Della's nearly 60.
Artie: Why a good looking youth like you take up with such an old woman?
Toy: Ole woman stop mek. Keep fit classes and plastic surgery do away did dat. Plus I believe in equality. If old man can tek up wid young girl, what wrong wid old woman and young man? Age is just a number, you know, kingman?
SPENDING IN RELATIONSHIP
Artie: So it's unimportant in a relationship?
Toy: What's important is how people feel about demselves. Della tink she a 16 and she move like she a 16. She go Spartan every day to stay fit. Dat's what attract me.
Artie: It's sounds like you really wanted a young girl, not a mature female.
Toy: I want when I come in, my dinner warm and taste nice. Young girl cyan cook no more. Dem just buy fast food.
Artie: What about the spending in this relationship?
Toy: Me spend an she spend.
Artie: But whose money is it?
Toy: Her money, of course. Me not working.
Artie: You don't think it's a form of prostitution to be in this relationship?
Toy: No. Me love her and she love me.
Artie: You go out together?
Toy: Every weekend. She like tek me to party and show me off to her fren dem.
Artie: How did you get into the relationship in the first place?
ESCAPING THE GHETTO
Toy: Tru publicity. My moddah have six a wi, seen? An' every day she preach dat we haffi emigrate from de ghetto. First time it was nice living 'ere, but now it too dangerous. All a my breddah and sista dem gawn already. Is me one leave at home.
Artie: How did the others manage to escape the inner city? I know it's not easy.
Toy: We use de talents Jah give wi. De twin dem is de oldest and dem have brains. Dem uppa UWI doing dem Master's degrees.
Our second sista, who bless wid de gift of running, she uppa U-Tech on a track scholarship, training wid coach Stephen Francis.
One of mi oddah broddah is on de Reggae Boyz football team. De girl dat follow him is a big time deejay and doin a European tour right now.
Artie: What's your talent?
Toy: For a long time me couldn't figger it out. Den when me turn 13, 14, me notice dat the girl dem start eyes me up. When me reach 17, it was big woman who waan chat to me. One mid-day, one a dem corner me in de outside bat'room in de yaad. Ah member seh her husband did gawn a country. Dat day she help me discover my gift when she call me a stallion.
EVACUATING
Artie: (laughing) And I thought it was because you had a pretty face. Where did the publicity come in?
Toy: After de sex, de woman nuh go spread de word how me good. Me doan know how, but it reach Della in ar up-town mansion and she come to a Passa-Passa one Wednesday night to meet me.
Artie: So you'll soon be leaving home?
Toy: Dis very weekend Della moving me to a uptown apartment - unless de one lady even me cyan impress decide to visit.
Artie: Who's that?
Toy: Emily. She might make me haffi postpone mi ejaculation.
Artie turned off the tape recorder and I asked, "I suppose he meant 'evacuation'?"
Artie laughed. "He might have meant both, so I didn't ask. An interesting story, don't you think, Dads?"
"Very." I agreed. "It's one you could use the high-speed Internet to disseminate around the world. Who knows who else might be attracted to that toy boy."
