Mark Dawes, Staff Reporter
Murrow - Contributed
Why Men Hate Going to Church is the title of a newly-published book authored by David Murrow, an Alaska-based Presbyterian elder. Murrow seeks not so much to call men back to the church, but to call the church back to men.
WHY MEN Hate Going to Church is the title of a newly-published book authored by David Murrow, an Alaska-based Presbyterian elder.
Murrow, who has written and produced award-winning specials, commercials and documentaries, seeks not so much to call men back to the church but to call the church back to men.
He argues that the way most churches do church will continue to induce the imbalance
of many women and few men in the pews.
Why Men Hate Going to Church is a 14 cm x 21.5 cm book containing 248 pages, published by Nelson Publishers.
The book, says the author, is addressed primarily to laywomen. It seeks, he says, to promote male resurgence rather than male dominance in the church.
PRIORITY ON LEADERSHIP
A strong theme throughout the book is that men follow men not programmes.
Murrow says "Every man, regardless of his age, needs another man to look up to and say in his heart, 'I want to be like him'."
If you want your church to attract men, he adds, "You must put a high priority on developing leaders, especially male ones. Men are not looking for theologians, teachers or facilitators. They are looking for men who will lead them to greatness."
Instead, men often find that Christian men talk and think like women.
"No man wants to follow a feminised man. Men are looking for a real man to follow: dynamic, outspoken, bold, sharp-edged. They want a leader who is tough and fair. They respect a man who tells it like it is and doesn't mince words, even when it makes them mad. Men most respect a leader who doesn't care what others think of him."
The problem facing men, says Murrow, is that they are interested in God, but not in the Christianity that they often see practised. They are instead drawn to churches with strong, dynamic, risk-taking leadership.
Citing Dr. Mels Carbonnel, a personality researcher, Murrow makes the point that churches have a greater number of passive people than the wider society.
The danger, he warns, is that a passive people will produce a passive organisation that will value stability over innovation and growth.
He says: "Many women will put up with passive leadership style out of loyalty, but most men will not. Men are achievement-oriented and have little tolerance for a team that always plays defence and never offence."
Too often in church, he says, successful Christian living is defined by the foolish actions avoided and not by the bold decisions pursued.
AFRAID OF EMASCULATION
Men are adventurers and risk-takers, and a church that takes risks and develops ministries that have a danger factor, is more likely to attract and retain men, Murrow says.
Churches must attain a balance of the feminine spirit and the masculine spirit in its conflict resolution, liturgy and sermons.
Many men, says Murrow, have given up on church because of hypocrisy that sometimes arises when it handles conflict in a feminine way.
"Consider," he says, "how Christ dealt with conflict. He was not diplomatic. He was so brazenly open in His clashes with the Pharisees that He even embarrassed His disciples. He dealt with situations decisively and moved on. When the church learns to deal with conflict (as Christ did), men will be spared injury."
Men, he continues, are not afraid of God but of emasculation. The church, he argues, needs to find ways to allow men to feel welcomed without having to leave their masculinity at the door.
He posits, "Why do so many effeminate and gay men attend church? Maybe because the church is one of the few institutions in society where there is no pressure to act like a man."
Christians, he maintains, often overemphasise Christ's feminine characteristics while ignoring his masculine traits.
"When was the last time you heard a sermon on competence, efficiency, or achievement? Each of these words describe Jesus, yet He is rarely credited with these attributes."
Murrow suggests that the praise music in church is overwhelmed with a vocabulary that is appropriate for the bedroom.
"When a man loves another man, he uses terms such as 'admire', 'look up to', and 'respect'. Men do not speak of 'passionate', 'intimate', or even 'personal' relationship' with their leaders or males friends ... Men never call each other 'beautiful', 'lovely' or 'wonderful'."
A praise music session, to be more meaningful to men, needs to balance Christ the Lover and Christ the Warrior, he says.
As it is now, the lyrics of many praise songs are quite romantic and have the same mushy feel as the Top 40 songs, he argues. To advance his argument, he cites a few lines from well-known praise music.
I'm desperate for you, I'm lost without you.
Hold me close, let your love surround me.
Let my words be few. Jesus I am so in love with you.
You're altogether lovely... altogether wonderful to me.
MEN'S FEARS
The book lists some of the emotional fears and dislikes of men which, Murrow says, often induces them to take a pass on church.
He says:
Men fear being outshone by women. He cites Sarah Sumner, author of Men and Women in the Church, who says "It would take a miracle for a biblically incompetent man to feel excited about gathering with a group of biblically competent women."
Men fear singing in public if they don't have a good voice.
Men don't want to be singled out when they are in church as they are naturally less relational and they are sometimes worried about who may see them there.
Men fear they will have to check their minds at the door and embrace an anti-intellectual posture doubly so if there is a prevalent anti-questioning atmosphere in the church.
Men fear Christianity will turn them into a straight-laced, boring nerd or nut.
Men fear prudery in sexual matters.
Men fear homosexuality in the church.
Men dislike preacher-speak where a preacher takes on an unnatural tone in the pulpit, sometimes with an accent that is radically different from that used in everyday conversation. Preacher-speak makes the preacher come across as a fake.
Men also dislike prayer-speak where Elizabethan English is used as in "We beseech Thee, O Lord, that Thou wouldest shew Thyself amongst us this day."
Prayer-speak also encompasses unnecessary repetition of God's name as in "Lord, we just thank You. Lord, for this day, Lord and Lord, we just ask You, Lord, to bless us, Lord."
ATTRACTING MEN
The author does list a few things that makes the church attractive to men. These include:
Men love technology. "Information conveyed through the use of technology often has a higher degree of believability than does information coming directly out of the speaker's mouth."
Men love excellence and quality. "Men are turned off by mediocrity, amateurish music, worn-out facilities, and unkempt grounds.
Men love the outdoors. Plan activities to be held in the outdoors as much as is possible. Men feel closer to God when they are outdoors.
Men love adventure. Men are transformed more by what they experience and less by what they are told.
Men need spiritual fathers and a band of brothers to spur them towards spiritual growth.
Murrow's book cites the experiences of a few churches that have dared to make men's ministry their top priority. He notes that in so doing, a church will attract both men and women.
Further details about Why Men Hate Going to Church and other useful links to organisations devoted to ministering to men are to be found on Murrow's website www.churchformen.com.
The church of the first century, notes Murrow, was a magnet for males.
"Jesus' strong leadership, blunt honesty, and bold action mesmerised men ....Christianity was never intended as the antidote to masculinity," says Murrow.
Send feedback to mark.dawes@gleanerjm.com
