- JUNIOR DOWIE/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER
Men exchange greetings, handshakes and hugs in May 2004 at the 'Men on a Mission', a forum for men which explored issues affecting males from a distinctly Christian perspective. In attendance were about 350 men. At left State Minister for Foreign Affairs Delano Franklyn (in blue shirt) greets Gleaner Editor-in-chief, Garfield Grandison.
Mark Dawes, Staff Reporter
IN HIS book Why Men Hate Going to Church, author David Murrow argues that not enough churches model challenge, adventure and risk-taking - values that positively resonate with a man's soul.
He says "Men fantasise about saving the world against impossible odds. Women fantasise about having a relationship with a wonderful man. So what does today's church emphasise? Relationships: a personal relationship with Jesus and healthy relationships with women to fulfil their deepest longing.
But few churches model men's values: risk and reward, accomplishment, heroic sacrifice, action and adventure. Any man who tries to live out these values in a typical congregation will find himself in trouble with the church council in no time.
In other words, church, if it is to attract men, says Murrow, must challenge them. He argues that 'challenge' is the love language of men.
In this newly released book by Nelson Publishers, the Alaska-based Presbyterian elder says: "If you want to capture the heart of a man - especially a younger man - you have to offer him a shot at greatness ... But most people do not see the local church as a place to achieve greatness."
He argues that nothing is wrong in seeking greatness as greatness is not the same as glory. Also, he argued that greatness also involves the pursuit of servanthood.
Murrow cites theologian Dallas Willard who says :"Only risk produces character". Murrow continues: "Christianity based on risk avoidance will never attract men. If our message is full of 'don'ts', 'be carefuls' and 'play it safes', men will turn their backs. Christianity is not an insurance policy, it's an abundant life!"
The christian community needs to emulate Jesus, who in St. Matthew chapter 10 promised men obstacles not ease, says Murrow. Men, he says, are attracted by churches that are not shy to take risks.
he continues: "If men see men in leadership, they think 'this is something I could get involved with. My gifts are needed.' If they see women in leadership, they tend to think the opposite. The fact is, women will follow a man, but few men will follow a woman unless they are forced. For instance, there are many men who coach women's basketball teams, but it's very rare for a woman to coach a men's team. Men follow female bosses, teachers, and commanding officers only because they can be fired, flunked, or court-martialled.
FAILED EXPERIMENTED
"But given a choice, men rarely follow female leadership. One church I know experimented with all-female youth leadership; within six months 75 per cent of the boys had disappeared.
Pastor Dan Jarrell puts it this way, 'When women lead, men leave.' I know, men are sexist pigs. They shouldn't be this way. But remember, we're talking about men as they are, not as they should be ... If you want men to come to your church, give high-profile positions to Spirit-led men."
In a chapter called 'Ministry and the Masculine Spirit', Murrow emphasises the need to get men doing stuff in the church even if such men are not yet born-again. He acknowledges that not every role is appropriate for unchurched men, while stressing that sometimes men are changed through service more than sermons.
Murrow says that in reaching out to men, there needs to be less focus on classroom style of instruction and more experiential contexts for learning.
"Today's evangelical church has discarded the discipleship model in favour of an academic model. Instead of discipling people we teach them. We put people in classrooms and present them with Bible knowledge ... Why is this academic approach to faith so discouraging to men? Simple. Men are less comfortable in a classroom.
"We can preach and teach until we are hoarse, but men will not mature in Christ until we rediscover discipleship ... Genuine discipleship takes place only when the members of the group are spurring one another on. A spur in the flank hurts! When iron sharpens iron, sparks fly! They must know each other deeply, trust each other implicitly, and be willing to speak the truth even when it hurts," says Murrow.
Discipleship for Murrow is a small group of people (of the same gender) following Jesus as a team. It might include some study, but it's much more about learning through doing and having experiences, adventures, etc. Like Jesus Christ did with His disciples.
In discipling men, Murrow encourages the utilisation of the battle stories in the Bible as these speak to men's hearts. He quotes approving Douglas Wilson, author of Future Men who says "The Christian faith is in no way pacifistic. The peace that will be ushered in by our great Prince will be a peace purchased with blood. As our Lord sacrificed Himself in this war, so must His followers learn to do."
In most churches men's ministry is a low priority. Children's and women's ministries occupy pride of place and very little resources are invested in men's ministry, he says.
Furthermore, churches that do have a men's ministry are often doing a lot to repel men. In the words of Murrow "Men's ministry is often not very manly. It is often women's ministry for men."
Though he argues for a liturgy in the church worship service in order to capture both the masculine and feminine spirits, Murrow warns that the use of gender inclusive language serves mostly to increase the female population in churches. He posits that the term 'saved' as is used in church is a passive term and as such it does not resonate positively with men.
"Challenge men to follow Jesus or walk with Christ. See the difference it makes," he says. Following Jesus or walking with Jesus, he says, "gives a man something to do". As a rule of thumb, he says, to minister to men, one should use terms that would fit in on a construction site.
Relationships are not enough to keep men motivated in the church. Men, he said, need vision. "Jesus had a vision. He called it the Kingdom of God."
He argues for the greater use of terms like the 'Kingdom of God', the term Jesus used in preference to the 'family of God'. "Men are kingdom builders. They think hierarchically."
MALE-PSYCHOLOGY INSIGHTS
Murrow's book is loaded with male-psychology insights and practical steps churches can take to make their facilities and services more welcoming to men.
Some of it may not be politically correct but he insists if followed, it will almost certainly redound to churches being more filled with men. It also contains catchy quips and quotes such as: "Women are to worship as men are to sex. Women love to worship anywhere, any time, and with anyone ... Men are to worship as women are to sex. Most guys have to be in the mood to really enjoy worship."
According to Murrow, the absence of meaningful male participation in the life of a congregation is one of the surest indicators of a church in decline. He argues that if a church goes out of its way to attract men, by creating a man-friendly environment - then it will attract both men and women.
Editor's Note: More information on discipling men may be found on David Murrow's web site,
www.churchformen.com
Send feedback to mark.dawes@gleanerjm.com
