Wendel Abel
SEX IS a basic need. It involves complex emotions. It is intended to assist bonding, to express love and for procreation.
Sexual behaviour is considered abnormal if it causes harm to other people and distress to the individuals who indulge in them, for example, sexual molestation of children.
Here is a list of sexual behaviours - some unusual and some abnormal.
UNUSUAL SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR
Internet sex.
Reading or looking at pornographic magazines.
Having sex in parks, public bathrooms, churches and so on.
Having sex in public, in open spaces or in motor cars.
Having sex with strangers picked up on the streets.
Having sex with gardeners and helpers while being involved in a relationship.
Having sex with dangerous men or women.
ABNORMAL SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR
Sexual activity associated with indecent phone calls (scatologia).
Rubbing against or touching persons in public places (frotteurism).
The need to expose one's sexual organs to strangers (exhibitionism).
The need to have sex with children (paedophilia).
The need to have sex while focusing on objects such as shoes, gloves, panty hoses (fetishism).
The need to have sex while experiencing pain, such as being flogged, being handcuffed, having candle wax (sadism).
Having sex with a sleeping person (somnophilia).
Are you addicted to any of these behaviours? The features of addiction are:
1. The behaviour is uncontrollable
2. The behaviour is distressing.
3. The behaviour interferes with your work and you spend a lot of time indulging in it.
4. Behaviour is kept a secret from others. There is constant denial about such behaviour. Individuals may live double lives.
5. Sexual fantasies or behaviours interfere with your normal relationships and results in less sexual activity with your partner or lying to your partner.
6. You become angry and irritable when confronted.
7. Involvement with another person in sexual or romantic behaviour with other than your usual partner.
8. You engage in potentially dangerous activities that may cause harm or cause you to become arrested.
9. The behaviour interferes with your spiritual belief or personal development.
10. After engaging in such behaviours you feel guilty and ashamed. It may result in pain, alienation and suicidal thoughts.
11. These behaviours may be associated with risk of being caught, risk of being threatened, blackmailed, contracting disease, becoming pregnant, violence or death.
12. Spending a lot of money or time engaging in such behaviours such as flying to meet someone, renting a hotel room or paying "hush money".
Many persons indulge in high risk sexual behaviours which put them at risk of sexually transmitted infections or being harmed or killed.
DEALING WITH SEXUAL ADDICTION
1. Admit that you have a problem. To thine own self be true. Denial and rationalisation do not help.
2. Take responsibility for your behaviour.
3. Avoid the triggers and temptations, the people, places, things and behaviours that will trigger your desire to indulge in unsafe, dangerous and risky sexual practices that you find compulsive. Triggers may be going to bars, spending time on computers or watching pornography.
4. Avoid using drugs such as alcohol and cannabis to deal with your emotions of anger, rage and guilt. Face up to your problems.
5. Stop leading a double life. You will be caught one day,
6. Seek professional help - see a mental health professional, seek spiritual counselling or join a support group.
7. Read self-help books that may help you overcome your problems.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
