Ivret Williams, Contributor
ONE JUST needs to look at birth statistics to see that sexual activity is beginning at younger ages. The sexual challenges faced by earlier generations cannot be compared in intensity to those being experienced by young people today.
This sexual explosion has resulted in greater knowledge and experimentation with sex by children at lower ages. This results in many young persons getting involved in sexual liaisons without being physically, mentally and emotionally matured for it. As a consequence, many enter adulthood and relationships without a proper set of values as it relates to sex. It is no wonder that promiscuity and by extension sexually transmitted diseases are on the increase especially among the young. In preparing children for adulthood and relationships, it becomes necessary for parents to provide a proper foundation in sex education. When talking to children about their sexuality and by extension sex, it is important that it is dealt with not just in biological terms, but the moral, psychological and spiritual components must be addressed as well. If this is not done, then children will not be prepared for the pressures and the tempting situations that may arise even in pre-teen years.
Appropriate time to talk
Many adults feel awkward in talking with their children about their sexuality. They are not sure about the appropriate time and place for such a conversation. Others on the other hand lack the confidence in their own ability to answer the questions posed or establish and maintain boundaries as they discuss the subject. Others may be harbouring guilt from their own moral failures when they were young. Very early in infancy, when the child begins the normal and healthy exploration of self is the best place to start. In a child's second year, genital awareness usually begins with the initial pulling and poking of the genitalia. This progresses to awareness of genital sensitivity and the pleasure of self-stimulation. A parent's reaction to this self-exploration is one of the earliest messages that is conveyed to the child with respect to his or her sexuality. It must be understood that genital exploration on the part of children does not mean that there is any underlying psychological disturbance. In fact, a child's ability to use his or her own body parts for self-stimulation is considered by some researchers as evidence of his or her basic security. Research indicates that children raised in institutions often show less exploration and satisfaction with their own body parts than children raised in a secure home environment.
Despite their best efforts, many parents are not much help for adolescents who are trying to understand the feelings and changes associated with their emerging sexuality. These parents reveal little of their own sexual feelings while expecting to be informed of their children's sexual world. This embarrassment will lead them to simply give their children a book that deals with the subject. Sadly these parents have not read the book themselves to ensure that the content and the values expressed meet the standards they have set for their family.
More access
The media, on the other hand, is saturated with material, which a generation ago would have been considered pornographic. Children and teenagers have more access to information about sex than their fore-parents, seeing and hearing countless seductive voices insisting that casual sex is normal and desirable. Since misinformation from outside sources is common among children, parents need to find out what their children know and where they got the information. Irrespective of how embarrassed parents may feel, it is better for children to get proper sex education from their parents than skimpy and often inaccurate information from other sources.
Unfortunately, with family schedules getting busier, children are losing contact with parents and spending more time with peers, the media, or an ill-informed helper. The music industry is winning the war in competing with family values because the 'catchy' pop music and pornographic music videos will remain in a child's memory for a long time. Sex education should never be learnt from the media, popular musicians or picked up on the playground. Every responsible parent automatically becomes a sex educator in the struggle to instil proper values and help their children to cultivate the moral stamina necessary to withstand society's alluring and potent sex messages.
Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Send enquires and comments to letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com
