Claude Wilson, Outlook Writer
WHAT IF positions were switched, roles reversed and you were weighing the prospects of being married to the one person you have dated over the last six months. Would you marry you?
Ask yourself, if I were looking a mate, do I have the qualities, attributes, characteristics, personality and love that would attract me to marry me? Maybe, if we are honest, the answer is an astounding no.
According to wise old King Solomon, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favour from [above]." Obviously, the converse is equally true; she who finds a husband finds a good thing. But, men and women carry long shopping lists of qualities they want in a mate, some so ethereal that one would need to make or, as Barbara Acklin sang, "I bake me a man."
"In the search for a perfect mate, many overlook one of the most important aspects of all, you won't find the 'perfect' mate until you have made yourself the 'perfect prospect'," says religious writer Ronald Kelly.
Most eligible Ed Pryce was always in and out of relationships while his friends were all getting married. Close friends knew why. Pryce was always bringing to the table a list of 'qualifications' for his potential wife. Anytime he would develop a serious and meaningful relationship, it is told, he would tell the poor girl all that he expects of his wife.
Counselling psychologist, Ivret Williams, posed the real question, Are you aware of your imperfections? Else, she said, "You will enter marriage seeing yourself as perfect and thinking it is necessary to always outline the faults of your partner."
Never got married
Ed is wonderful guy to his friends, but every girl who showed an interest in him gave up long before he could 'pop the question'. He never got married.
Do you find it easy to list the qualities you want in a mate? the handbook, The Secret of Family Happiness asks. Conversely, what about your own qualities? What traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful marriage?
For instance, do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always right or always defensive when corrected? Cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?
The experts advise that marriage will not change our personality. If you are cocky, nagging, proud, over-sensitive, or overly distrustful when single, you will be the same when you get married.
The Secret of Family Happiness suggests that since it is difficult to see ourselves the way others see us, we should ask a parent or a trusted friend for frank comments and suggestions. If you learn of changes that could be made then have compassion on your mate and think about what it would be like to be married to you.
"It might give you a new look on life, and it might give you the urge to change a few things in yourself," Ronald Kelly advised. And then, and only then, you would marry you.
