Janet Silvera, Gleaner Writer
WESTERN BUREAU:
FINDING A man in the United States has become more than an uphill task for some Jamaican women, who complain that the first questions they are asked by men they meet nowadays are:
Where do you work?
Where do you live?
And finally - What's your name?
And in that order too!
"Your name is the last thing, they really want to know and it's really a disgrace," said Jamaican Shamba Gordon, a registered nurse living in Maryland.
Gordon, 50 years old, is single, has lived in the United States for 27 years, and has not had intimate relations with a man in the last two years. In the past her relationships have been with younger men whom she was forced to support.
"The type of work you do and your earning power are the most important things for a man in the United States," said the frustrated medical professional, who has all but given up finding a man who will help her with the load of bills she has become accustomed to.
Several of her friends have returned home to find husbands, but they too eventually regret making that decision, "As soon as they arrive in the land of green pastures, you see their true and negative colours."
She said one of the greatest threats she faces comes from the girls who go scantily clad on the streets, "Once their bodies have not started sagging south, they are considered high commodity by our men," bemoaned Gordon.
According to her, some of her her friends go back to school to pursue professions in order to satisfy these men. "It is of great importance and doing so to please men can be damaging to the self-esteem."
Noting that the men concerned are not necessarily professionals, she said women with a good education and strong earning power relieve them of responsibility of maintaining a woman/wife and family.
"They are looking for ready-made success, they are janitors, gardeners and broad spectrum of blue collar jobs, across all age groups and they have taken up this nasty practice, which is really sad, because a woman does not need a man to define her, she said."
NO SEX
For 42-year-old Patricia Reid, who lives in New York, sex has been non-existent in her life for the last four years. She has tried the range of toys, but is now in abstention mode.
A Patient Care Associate (Nurse Technician) by profession, Reid said as soon as the men see a white uniform they see a prospective money earner. "You are judged by the colour uniform you wear,' she lamented.
Now living in the United States for some 10 years, the mother of two said she is turned off from these men.
"Jamaican women are doing two and three jobs, to maintain the lifestyle of some of these men, because a number of them don't work."
She said that for several of her friends, sex toys have become their best friends. According to Reid, fashion parties (parties where sex toys are displayed) are popular marketing tools being used by sales persons who hold these events, showcasing the latest inventions for single and lonely women.
Reid said many of her friends have resorted to finding men in places as far as Canada, where the culture is different.
