Some individuals lose interest when they hear the words, 'I love you.' Model Mellisa courtesy of Miguel Models International. - Winston Sill/Freelance Photographer
ACCORDING TO St. Elizabeth-based counselling psychologist Avril Le Vel James we may get some insight if we look at what the phrase 'I love you' means to different people. Such insight will tell why these three words send people running for dear life.
There are 12 interpretations and connected assumptions which, once made, could possibly provoke the 'Asafa Dash'. They are as follows:
Commitment phobia: Although we often assume that men are the only ones who suffer from this 'illness', there are rising numbers of woman with a similar fear. Among women who are afraid to commit are career women whose main objective is to self-actualise through excelling in their chosen field. To these individuals the words act as danger signs that may indicate that the male wants to ascend to a higher level, one that is not on their agenda. For men, the general feeling is that once these three words are announced, the female will start conjuring visions of weddings, honey moon and living happily ever after. These visions are OK if both parties are on the same wave length. However, the Asafa Dash will be resorted to if both parties have different intentions.
Insecurity issues: If you cannot love yourself and are not comfortable and confident with yourself, when another individual professes to love you, you will lose interest because of your personal insecurity. 'Nobody can be faithful to me' and 'I am sure he or she has said it to a thousand others', are some phrases that will come to mind.
Self-esteem challenges: Do you see yourself as loveable and a valuable individual to be loved and cherished? If not, you will not be able to deal with this when someone decides to love you. You may feel unworthy and, because of poor self-image and the lack of worth placed on you, end up losing interest when you hear these words. Some individuals assume that these words are for everyone else but them. This is true, especially if they were not accustomed to hearing them when growing up.
Conquest is complete: For some individuals, the admission of love means that the object of the exercise has been met so they can now move on to the other conquest. This is true especially if love is seen as a game. Some individuals begin to get bored as the thrill of trying to win the prize is lost. The person wishes to move on to the next unsuspecting prey. This is true of both males and females.
Negative past experience: It is said that memories don't leave like people do. This is true with love experiences of the past. If one's introduction into the love arena has been a negative one involving heartache, deception and pain understandably this person will disappear once they hear these three words.
Too much pressure: Some people associate the love issue with the person getting more demanding and expectations getting higher. Demands on their time, affection, person, money and space are not welcome.
* Fear of 'catching' the virus: If the person hearing the words is just into a good time or ride or may themselves be struggling with falling in love, but afraid to do so, these words may act as a red flag warning. If the recipient of these words feel that love is contagious they are not ready for it, they will flee.
* Fear of manipulation: Some people believe that the words are used to get what the individual wants and as the gateway to body, heart and soul.
* Lack of interest: The individual expressing love is a lovely person, but the other is not interested in this person in an intimate way. From the profession of love it would be discovered that the friend's attention is being misread. To remove or clarify the feeling, one may be compelled to appear to lose interest or to try and help the person to kill their feelings. The apparent loss of interest would serve, we hope, to save the individual future heartache.
* Just not the settling type: Some persons are just not the type for commitment or settling down and it is usually felt that once these words are said they are synonymous with 'Can we go steady?'
* Disbelief: if the person hearing the words thinks the speaker is a Delilah or the serpent Satan, interest will immediately be lost, because they now feel that the words are untrue and possibly just being said to achieve a goal whether marriage, sex, financial gain or even
classified information.
* Habit: Some have been running for so long that they are doing it and they are not even aware that they are. It is said that a habit is hard to break and losing interest after another profession of love has become a habit for some. In fact, some boast of this practice as if they are competing to be listed in the Guinness book of records as the world's leading heartbreaker.
* Outlook Team
Information provided by Avril Le Vel James.
