Mel Cooke, Freelance Writer
HYATT
THERE WERE a couple relatively new faces in Tubeless, Ragashanti and British, a venerable one in Charles Hyatt, rib-tickling dramatic dance from the Creative Boyz and fluid movement from Dance Xpressions, at Backyaad on Wednesday night.
Hostess Elva, a riot all of her own, noted that it was the 19th staging of 'Backyaad Crack Up' at the Constant Spring Road, St. Andrew, venue.
"If yu squint yu eye a little bit and use yu imagination I look like Denzil Washington," Tubeless said, to laughter. "At present, I am on a very serious diet. When I eat I don't even smile," the large man said. There was applause when he noted that a firearm licence needs to be renewed, as well as a driver's licence, "yet when yu get a marriage licence is until death. Dat no fair."
"Marriage licence shouldn't last for more than six months. And then all the men get to have a learner's," he said, to strong support from the males.
British, from the Portmore Impromptu Contest held at the inaugural Crack Up at the Body Dynamics Gym in August, told the tale of a lady who went to have her eyes tested but could not read even the largest letter on the chart.
MEDICAL MATTERS
Charles Hyatt also had medical matters on his mind, starting with a cough and asking pardon as "for the past five days I have been under a doctor. And trust me, she good!" There was applause when Hyatt said "I have been doing what you see me doing now for the past 59 years.
"You don't know the difference between surprise and shock," Hyatt informed the younger folk. "Surprise is when yu fin' out for the first time yu cyaan mek a second," he said, to laughter. "Shock is when yu fin' out for the second time yu cyan mek a firs'!"
The Creative Boyz from St. Ann lived up to their name with a dramatisation of a Sting clash, done with mimes to recordings of live performances, the audience sitting through the preliminaries of imitations of Marvia Providence and others of the gospel kind, before 'Capleton', complete with red outfit and banner, came out. The tempo was upped, though, with the appearance of 'Beenie Man', the audience cheering as the trademark move of a foot on a monitor, Beenie responded to "who yu calling nigger" with Frame I and the audience erupted.
They also cheered loudly for 'Ninja Man', dressed in full black, then Vybz Kartel, complete with trademark hairstyle. The encounter between the two ended with a kicking, then out came 'Assassin' with Eediat Ting Dat and again there was a 'forward' at Backyaad.
The sequence ended with 'Sizzla', huge imitation chalice and all.
Dance Xpressions, which had honoured Oliver Samuels in dance to open the show, started off the second segment with a rump-shaking to King of The Dancehall, fluid male dancer eventually joining the three lissome lasses on stage. There was more dance, with an impromptu 'James Brown' foot shaking from a member of the Creative Boyz, before Kingsley 'Ragashanti' Stewart brought the night back to the spoken word. Stewart traced the four stages of attititudes to oral sex in the ghetto.
'GHETTO CURSING'
He also gave searing examples of the cursing that takes place in the ghetto, calling for the rhythm and deejaying a song to illustrate it. There was a strong reaction when, in the song, one woman told another that she is like Digicel, because "any weh yu go inna Jamaica man pick yu up".
Owen 'Blakka' Ellis informed all about the creature named "girl from foreign", who loves Jamaican men, and the special creature named "white girl from foreign" who does everything and then "pay the hotel fee".
He noted that tourist girls often come to Jamaica for 'high grade and some high grade', an upright arm, fist clenched, indicating just what the second high grade was. "The tourism people get it wrong, think dem come to get them hair braid, learn the butterfly and hear a half-drunk man in a floral shirt sing Yellow Bird.
There was some incisive cellie talk, Ellis saying he would give a girl a Siemens and if she had a Nokia and he had a Nokia they could Motorola away. Then, if she had a little Sony, they could call him Ericcson.
After extensive discourse on his aunt who raised him tough and raised him right, Ellis ended the September edition of Crack Up with information on an AIDS vaccine. Said quickly it was hard to decipher, but when he slowed it down to "trynoassatall" there was a final laugh.
Taken from the Friday Gleaner, September 30, 2005
