Dear Rev:

I have a child for a man who I have been with for seven years. However, I don't feel he can make me happy. There's a huge gap in our age.

Recently, I met this guy who's older than me by a year and who's also very fond of my child and vice-versa. I have been seeing him for six weeks now and the happiness I feel with him I haven't felt that with the man I have been with for seven years. The man of seven years don't know about the other guy but the other guy knows about him. The sex is great with this new guy and I really care about him. What should I do?

Dear Friend:

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You need to decide which man you want, and tell the other to hit the road. What kind of message are you sending to your child?

You are playing a very dangerous game, and need to stop. What do you want? Granted, this new fling is just six weeks old, too young to determine if it has a future. However, you need to decide and now. It is not fair to either of the two men in your life or your child. Might I suggest you take some time to yourself to decide what you want and whether it is the best thing for you and your child. It is a good idea also to sit and talk it through with a trained counsellor.

-Rev.

Dear Rev:

I want to tell you a situation that I am experiencing with a good friend of mine. She has been my friend since our early teens. She comes from a decent family, her parents are good to me and so forth.

Until suddenly I found out that she is gay. I never knew about this and I also found out that her girlfriend or lover is from the beautiful island of Jamaica.

She doesn't at this point know that I am aware of her lifestyle. But I feel that she has been secretive about it for a long time. I don't know what to do or how to bring to her attention.

Dear Friend:

One's sexuality, especially to Jamaicans, is a very private affair which could get ugly, if not handled well. I have noted however that you have not indicated how you feel about your friend being gay, and what is it you want to confront her on.

If she is as good a friend as you claim, then her being gay, whether she is with a Jamaican or not, should not be a big issue once you believe you can continue being her friend.

Unless of course you are concerned that she may eventually develop feelings for you. I know that most people are concerned because Jamaicans can be very negative and hostile towards the homosexual lifestyle.

However, most Jamaicans are reasonable and kind individuals, especially those from the homosexual community, as they are accustomed to being discriminated against. I do not, therefore, foresee a problem with her Jamaican lover.

However, I would suggest that you be honest with your friend about what you know, and how you found out. You then need to decide, and let her know whether or not this will affect how you feel about her as a friend.

Your friend being homosexual does not prevent her from being a wonderful friend, as you already know.

- Rev.