Sidney McGill
THE ASSUMPTION that eating slimy foods or drinking various roots and concoctions can enhance sexual health is an important part of popular culture, especially among men in Jamaica and the other Caribbean territories.
They may very well be aphrodisiacs, providing some nutrients to fortify sexual health, but sexual wellness requires more than good nutrition, regular exercise and safer sex, even though these things are important.
The popular song that chides and goads men to be better lovers asks: "De steam fish inna yuh back done a'ready?" The potent question brings out the point that aphrodisiac foods alone cannot cure rapid ejaculation or boost stamina. A well-toned, disease-free body, healthy looking sex organs, and physical attractiveness won't cut it for long. Sexual wellness, therefore, is the ability to express mature love in the sex act, which transcends the 'wham bam thank you ma'am' cycle.
In other words, it is less about you using sexual climaxes as a temporary respite from chronic personal problems and more about mutual pleasuring in a context of mutual devotion, honour and esteem. At the end of sex, both partners should feel a sense of contentment, validation and freedom from guilt, which requires emotional maturity, moral development and a solid sense of identity beyond physical and physiological sexual maturity, and safer sex practices.
We fool ourselves when we explain sexual health purely in natural, biologic terms. But even "biological tendencies ... are demonstrably malleable if we are willing to pay the cost of shaping them in the directions we prefer," says Reiss in Journey into Sexuality.
HOLISTIC EXPLANATION OF SEXUAL HEALTH
When one talks about sexual health by exclusively utilising one set of explanations, the result is a partial or oversimplified understanding of the ingredients that make up sexual health.
If sexuality is formed by the profound influences of nurture (family, society and culture), physiologic, genetic factors and the individual's spirituality, then sexual health must be a balance of all these factors. Whatever view we may hold on the meaning of today's sexual revolution, and the redefinition of gender roles, the litmus test must be how balanced are the nature, nurture and spiritual factors as they influence sexual attitudes and behaviours.
Homosexuality
Currently, too much weight has been shifted to the nature factor in order to force a politically correct explanation of homosexual orientation. The prevailing view is flawed because a purely natural automatic condition does not exist in isolation from socio-cultural and spiritual influences.
An argument that places emphasis on socio-cultural and spiritual training for parents and teachers is beyond the scope of this article but this should be the mission and objectives of institutions such as churches, schools, NGO's and other service clubs. The long-term benefits would go beyond sexual wellness into forming a prosperous society with a clear common vision and purpose that would blur the sharp Jamaican class/group divisiveness that contributes to gun violence and the creation of a hopeless, anxious people.
Getting the help you need
Sexual health is a personal and complex thing because the balancing act of the three factors (nature, nurture and spiritual) will require fine-tuning depending on many unique variables ( such as genotype, phenotype and personality type). The product (character) determines sexual desires, sexual attitudes and sexual behaviour.
To get the help you need you must start by writing down a mission statement for your life that highlights the place of long-term relationships. What do you need to change right now in your life to bring about a personal reformation and improved relationships? Where you are on the scale of personal development is not as important as having the willingness to invest in yourself. Develop a life philosophy that is congruent with the most current scientific knowledge, which is consistent with the age-old sexual manual - the Bible.
Dr. Sidney McGill is a marriage and family therapist and executive director, Family Counselling Centre of Jamaica, St. Ann; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
