Wendel Abel
1. I must accept myself: Many persons have great difficulty accepting themselves. We must all strive to accept ourselves, accept our weaknesses and our strengths. In identifying our weaknesses, we should strive towards improving ourselves and in looking at our strengths we should strive to build on our strengths.
2. I must love myself: This is not about being selfish. But we should all get to that place and space where we love ourselves. It is about learning to find your centre.
3. I must stop trying to change others: Many of us spend a lot of our time and efforts trying to change others. We find ourselves in relationships and we embark on that futile attempt of trying to change our partners. Have you been trying to change that person who is always lying? Have you been trying to change that person who is an alcoholic? Have you been trying to change that person who is always cheating on you? Have you been trying to change that person who spends a lot? You cannot change others and if that is your mission, then you are embarking on a very frustrating journey. You may influence changes in other people but in order to do so you may have to modify your own attitudes and behaviours toward them.
4. I must strive to be happy: The pursuit of happiness is a basic instinct. You must recognise that you have a right to be happy and you must actively pursue your own happiness.
5. I must be true to myself: "To thine own self be true". Be true to yourself. Pursue truth in your life. Lies and deceit are such horrible things. Everytime you tell a lie, you probably have to tell many others in order to sustain that one lie. The pursuit of truth makes your life so much simpler, easier and richer. Start striving to be true to yourself today.
6. I must self-actualise: Self-actualisation entails achieving your dreams and your aspirations. The need to self-actualise is very important. There are many persons who have dreams. Do not feel guilty about your dreams. Do not feel that you are ever too old to achieve your dreams. Is your life dream to learn a foreign language? Is your life dream to complete your education? Is your life dream to earn a university degree? Is your life dream to own a house? Then you will never truly be happy until you truly achieve your dreams and fully self-actualise. Go in pursuit of your dream. You have a right to self-actualise and it's never too late.
7. I must learn to express my feelings: You have a right to your feelings and you have all rights to express your feelings. Unfortunately, a lot of persons do not know how to express their feelings and their emotions. Learn the art of managing your emotions and learn how to express your feelings effectively. Persons who master the art of expressing their feelings enjoy better relationships and emotional and physical health and live more fulfilling lives.
8. I must learn to find solutions: There are many of us who spend all of our energies focusing on the problems of this life. As a result, we are always engaging in catastrophic thinking. It is good to identify problems but we must also endeavour to seek a solution to every problem. The solution may not be immediate but we should strive to resolve the problems that confront us in our lives.
9. I must learn to let go of the past and learn to forgive: Is your life constantly influenced by your past, by your past mistakes or by the wrongs others have done to you? You have to learn to let go of the past and forgive. Move on to another place and space today. Do not remain stuck in the mud of life.
10. I must also learn to accept my powerlessness: This is not contradictory to all that I have written. But the prayer of serenity states: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." In life we sometimes must know when to accept our powerlessness and learn to rely on a power greater than us.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; phone: 922-3216; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
