Shelly-Ann Thompson, Freelance Writer
APART FROM a good sorrel drink, delicious Christmas cake and being surrounded by family during the Christmas season, every woman needs a partner, especially at New Year's Eve.
Counselling psychologist, Avril LeVel-James, says that many women feel compelled now to have a partner because of how women have been raised and socialised. "From early in childhood we grow to expect some love and attachment in adulthood and this is normally heightened during the festive season, whether Valentine's Day, Easter or Christmas." The mushiness associated with the season also contributes to the assumption that a woman must have somebody at this time.
The reality of good men being short, coupled with the fact that many men are in the prison system make it difficult for a woman to find a man. In addition, "different expectations and concepts of the male species from that of a woman push men to avoid attachment especially at Christmas as it is seen as a costly season, because of gift-giving for a man."
Before you go searching, Mrs. LeVel-James advises that the woman know whether she is looking for a lifelong partner or a 'Christmas sparing buddy'. "Sometimes, because a man takes a woman to an office party, a trip to the country, especially to meet his parents, she then assumes that because of the time of year, something will come up the same next year. Ensure that you are able to handle whatever hits you in January. That if it is not in your favour you are not left depressed."
POINTERS TO FINDING A MAN
The psychologist says that in finding a man a woman should be mentally prepared. Mrs. Level-James says that physical appearance is important but the mental and social are equally important. "Find yourself first, and therefore know the type of person you are looking for - do not sell yourself short."
Love yourself first: People treat you how you treat yourself. Your presence out there won't be loveable.
Be convincing: If you are not confident, loving, comfortable, accepting of you, don't expect anybody to love you. Very often as women we do not make ourselves marriage or girlfriend material that will attract a relationship.
Make yourself interesting: Don't give the impression that you are an airhead. Men are not only about sex and football. There are those who want to treat a woman well. Men who are still special, decent, cultural men looking for the same kind.
Be knowledgeable: Know about current affairs so you can hold a conversation outside of sex.
Respect his opinion: Sometimes as women we do not try to build a man's character. Compliment them, be giving, enhance them, be nurturing, and build them. However, know the difference between being mother and being a person who understands her partner.
LOOK IN THE RIGHT PLACES
Just get out. You will meet no man sitting at home and absorbing the house colours. Remember, if you don't seek, then you won't find.
The gym: Many men are into being healthy and getting that six-pack hence a lot of them hang out at the gym or at the running trails, like Emancipation Park.
Membership clubs: Ask a friend or colleague to invite you to his membership club as often most are filled with men.
Gaming Lounges: Many have sprung up recently, Acropolis, Villagio both in St. Andrew and the Coral Cliff and Gaming Lounge, Montego Bay, St. James. These entertainment spots are known for singles trying to gain something for the future.
Attend office parties: There are tons that you have been invited to. Get party dresses and go dancing.
Fashion frenzy: Several fashion outlets are having their previews so attend and meet someone new while learning about the hip trend.
Go worshipping: 'Lord please forgive us, as we know not what we do'. However, we don't want to be lonely any more and many churches might be the place to find that perfect Christian and morally upright family man.
Bury the dead, and celebrate love: Many couples will admit that they met at a wedding or at a funeral. At funeral services many relatives are drawn together, and weddings often boost single groomsmen.
Shopping: Even window-shopping sometimes. If you are bored, go strolling at the mall. Many connect while shopping when they are going for the same item in a pharmacy or store.
