Dear Counsellor:

My problem is, my three-year-old son is becoming aggressive and shouts when he is playing with his friends. His teachers have spoken to us about it. What should we do?

- Clive

Dear Clive:

You could look at the way you speak at home. Also, you may be having constant fights and this is how you are socializing your son. Children live what they learn. If you are having conflicts with your spouse it is best that your child is not made aware of it as he will ape your behaviour. Unfortunately he does not know that what he is doing is wrong, but you know. Correct the behaviour before it gets worse.

Dear Counsellor:

A week ago I met this guy at a friend's party. He is quite a nice guy. The problem however, he is rushing the relationship. He is indirectly pressuring me to have sex. To be honest, I really like him but I do not want to be pressured into having sex with anyone. How can I say no to him without losing his interest?

- Karen

Dear Karen:

When a woman gives in to sexual pressure she loses power. You have the right to say no to any and every sexual advance without giving an explanation. At the start of any relationship there may be an euphoric feeling, especially if the guy seems to be the one that 'fits the bill'. And if you have been experiencing a 'dry spell' with respect to relationships, you may feel the desire to give him. To have the strength to say 'no' you need to withdraw from the moment and assess the situation. Is he asking you to do something that he wants and not what you want? If you give in, what else will you give in to? Let me be quite blunt, if sex is all he is after, then when you give in he will be satisfied and move on to his next conquest leaving you feeling used and discarded. A good relationship is not a sprint, it is a marathon. If he is the one, he will respect your feelings and your values

Dear Counsellor:

My boyfriend is very ill-tempered and it affects our relationship. He will quarrel for the simplest thing and when he does quarrel he will become loud and the neighbours will hear all that is happening in the house. I have spoken to him about it and sometimes he will get louder. I must add that sometime when he gets louder I do the same. Afterward I get very embarrassed and tell myself that I will not do this anymore, but it keeps happening. How can I deal with the situation?

- Annika

Dear Annika:

Let me say that every relationship experiences conflict. However, if you keep quarrelling over the same things then you are not handling your conflicts properly. As perso-nalities merge there will be conflicts as person get to understand each other. If you are both serious about this relationship I would advise you both to sit down and look seriously at your conflicts and make a note. If you had a quarrel on Monday, what was it about? And go down the week like that. If the quarrel has been over the same thing then it is obvious that that issue is not being dealt with properly. Also, look at the way you try to resolve your conflicts. If you shout at each other until one gets tired then the conflict is unresolved. Shouting represents immaturity and lack of self-control. If you cannot sit down and sort out your differences then you may need the help of a counsellor.