REUTERS
Britain's Daniel Radcliffe arrives at the world premiere of 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' at Leicester Square, London, recently. Holiday movies kick off with the latest 'Harry Potter' film leading a pack of big-budget flicks seeking huge payoffs at box offices.
Michael Reckord, Contributor
Like most other 20-year-old youths, my friend Artie is constantly on the lookout for ways to gain power over those of the fairer sex.
So I was not too surprised when, on Wednesday afternoon as we sat on his verandah, he chose to discuss a couple of romance-oriented stories in the newspaper instead of the subject I had broached, the People's National Party leadership race. One of the articles was about the Harry Potter movies star, Daniel Radcliffe who, at 16, had become Britain's richest teenager.
"Dads," Artie said, awe and envy in his voice, "do you know that he is now worth 23 million pounds. In Jamaican, that would be ... ahm ... what's 23 million multiplied by 110?"
The answer came from Artie's 16-year-old sister, Annique: "That's more than two and a half billion dollars!" She had dashed out of the house onto the verandah at the mention of Harry Potter's name. "Can I read that story, Artie? You finished with that page?"
While teasing his sister by keeping the paper out of her reach, Artie mentioned that, despite his wealth, Daniel claimed he was too shy to get a girlfriend. Annique grabbed the page and ran back inside and Artie moved on to a story about hip hop superstar Usher who claimed he had all the women he wanted.
"You know what his secret is, Dads? He says if you can make a girl laugh, you have a good chance of getting her into bed."
"Artie," I chided, "you have a girl friend. Banish those thoughts from your mind."
"And," Artie continued, "he says women always fall for flattery."
multiple partners and AIDS
I tried reminding Artie that having multiple partners leads inevitably to AIDS, as many of the 40 million people with the disease have discovered, too late. But it was Annique's return that really switched Artie's train of thought.
She ran back onto the verandah waving a letter which she had just written to Daniel Radcliffe and she wanted to know if Artie had an address for him. Here is their conversation:
Artie: What's the letter about?
Annique: Oh, about how beautiful Jamaica is.
Artie: Why would he be interested?
Annique: Well, he might want to come and visit ... maybe even live here.
Artie: Because Jamaica is beautiful?
Annique: And because we have beautiful girls here, and he could choose one for his girlfriend.
Artie: (teasingly) You mean like you?
Annique: How did you guess?
Artie: You told him you were beautiful?
Annique: I told him I am beautiful, and I'd be very happy to consider his request to become his girl friend.
Artie: You'd have to get him here first and I don't think the beauty of the island and the girls would be enough incentive.
Annique: I wrote other things. Listen. "Dear Daniel, Greetings from Jamaica. I'm sure you've heard of it. Though just a tiny island in the Caribbean Sea, it wields an immense amount of influence in the world.
"First, it's very beautiful, with white sand beaches and gorgeous mountains and world-class hotels near to both. It's the home of Bob Marley and the exciting reggae music, the birthplace of some of the world's greatest athletes, and in the last century we gave the world a new religion, Rastafarianism. It's also my home and I, too, am beautiful (photo enclosed)
"That's the good stuff.
"Now, you may also have heard of our world-beating crime rate. But don't let that stop you from coming here and meeting me. With your money, you can stay in one of our many all-inclusive hotels (which are perfectly safe) and, to avoid our world-class potholes, you could fly around in a helicopter.
"I would be only too happy to show you around. Looking forward to a favourable reply, I remain, Yours cordially, Annique."
Artie: Nicely written, but he must get a dozen of those letters each day.
Annique: So why doesn't he have a girlfriend?
Artie: Beats me. Annique, suppose he did come to Jamaica and met you and liked you? He might ask you to migrate to England.
Annique: Not a chance. I have to stay here. I plan on becoming Jamaica's first female Prime Minister.
Artie: The polls say Portia might get there first.
Annique: The second, then. But, Artie, you know what your situation would be if Daniel and I got married? You'd have a very wealthy brother-in-law.
Artie: (laughs, gives her a hug) Annique, I promise you an address for Daniel within the hour.
He turned to me, "And to think, Dads, that I was planning on emailing the Usher article to Daniel to help him get a girl in England."
