WHAT WOULD you do if you discovered that a member of your congregation had a crush on you? We posed this question to several individuals in church leadership this week and present their answers as well as advice from Pastor and Counsellor Lyndon B. Johnson chairman of the Jamaica Pentecostal Union.
One 34-year-old male, a deacon in the Church of God, told Outlook, "I wouldn't convey to the person that this was anything bad of itself, so I would be open to talk about the person expressing her feelings. I would remind her that feelings of attraction for people we admire are natural, but as a leader who is married, she should not give too much attention to further expression or nurturing of these feelings."
"Of course," he said, "I would make it clear, that I had no intention of entertaining any relationship beyond the appropriate spiritual boundaries clearly outlined by our biblical code of conduct."
Balanced response
His balanced response may not be what obtains every day in the Jamaican church.
Pastor and Counsellor Lyndon B. Johnson states that the issue is a big problem and is especially explosive when there are insecure persons in the ministry.
"They bask when the attention is given. If it is not managed very early, it becomes a difficult issue to confront and to stop. There are also lonely ministers who are neither naïve or thrill seekers.
"This man is preaching, but his life has not been perfected by the message. He feels lonely, exhausted and depressed. Like Elijah under the juniper tree he feels hopeless.
It may well be that in these circumstances a nubile sister has a crush on him. He is in danger and so is she."
According to this pastor, the absence of a support system in the average church that helps ministers going through moments of weakness and depression is an additional problem, and on many occasions the leader involved gives up and yields to predatory behaviour.
Other leaders, he states, are thrill seekers. "They are anointed and specially selected but like Samson, they cannot be satisfied with their wife in Israel. They are literally adrenaline junkies driven by the pleasure they get from beating (escaping) death. They see danger and know the implications, but feel they can beat the odds. Certain people will do this because they need the high. They put at risk their families, their ministries and bring disgrace on the name of the Lord for a moment of pleasure. The greater the danger the higher their level of excitement."
The counsellor and church leader stated, "they weave webs of lies to cover their activities, putting into dispute the prophetic gift ... They corrupt spiritual institutions using gifts and offices to cover up their ungodly conduct."
What happens if they get caught?
It is the counsellor's observation that certain churches shunt pastors from parish to parish to get the issue off the front page, "plunging everybody into a web of lie and deceit. They just keep exporting the problem from church to church ..."
The counsellor does not believe, however, that most relationships evolve from deliberate predatory behaviours. Instead, they are the result of a lack of knowledge.
Naiveté may lead to missing early signals. Beware when you, as a pastor, get responses like, 'I will do anything for you'.
"As a counsellor and pastor, you will do things which are considerate and thoughtful, but these are the voids in the life of the individual you are helping. Feeling stirs. The leader does not know that he is eliciting powerful emotions just by listening and being considerate," the counsellor explains.
Feelings lead to physical touch and people end up falling but they do not intend to fall.
Pastor Johnson advises that a very high bar should be set with regards to mutual respect and duty of care with the office of pastor. Pastors need an acute awareness of the burden they carries, driven by feelings and not pragmatism.
If ignored, even with good intent matters can escalate.
Offering spiritual guidance
He states, "Even though, as a teacher, pastor and evangelist you will find that a big part of being effective in ministry is for people to hold you in esteem, there is a very thin line to be walked in being a role model and offering spiritual guidance. If this person has had bad experiences, you present to them just what they are looking for.
"You win the student to yourself before you win her to the message. They become your disciples before they become disciples of Christ. Beware," said Pastor Johnson.
It is the leader's challenge to change the view into strong loyalty to organisations instead of encouraging behaviours which will lead to a declaration of love or a belief that you have feelings which are more than what a pastor should exhibit.
With regards to thrill seekers, there should be checks and balances affecting interactions between pastors and their congregations. Other board members should ensure that such an opportunity is removed. There should also be discipline and punitive options for those who cross the line.
Counsellor Johnson also states that churches should implement a support system that allows opportunities for men and women to share their experiences at a level which is honest and confidential. With support groups, everyone, even pastors, can be helped.
He concludes, "the minister himself should be proactive, pre-emptive and anticipatory of these things and avoid being surprised."
- Outlook Team. Information provided by Pastor Lyndon B. Johnson.
