Keisha Shakespeare, Staff Reporter
As Flair continues its year-long partnership with Woman Inc., each month we will turn the spotlight on the work of the organisation, its hard workers and volunteers and some of its success stories. We will also, place emphasis on Woman Inc.'s plight as it strives to provide worthwhile service to battered women in the society.
Tomorrow, Flair will join some members of corporate Jamaica who responded to our appeal for financial help and launch a foundation to benefit Woman Inc. in the long term. So far, The Gleaner, Jamaica Money Market Brokers, Erskine and Associates, KIA Motors and the Jamaica Stock Exchange have pledged their support in very tangible ways.
We urge other good corporate citizens to make a donation to this worthy cause.
MARCIA* WAS only 15 years old when a close friend of the family marred her life.
She was home alone when her parent's friend, a deacon in her church, stopped by to borrow something. As a rule, when they are not home, visitors are not allowed inside her parents' house, so she asked him to wait on the verandah.
"I was on my way back when I saw the deacon in the living room with his pants down, I was so surprised!"
Marcia's first instinct was to get out as fast as possible as she was not going to stay in the house with him.
"I ran towards the door but he grabbed me and threw me into the wall, telling me to calm down, it's not what I think."
She struggled to fight him off but he overpowered her, tore her clothes off and sexually assaulted her. "I felt betrayed, frightened and confused. How could this happen to me in my own home, and by a respected friend of my family who was also a deacon in my church?"
Shame and guilt plagued her and she found it impossible to tell anyone what had happened. She felt her best choice was to commit suicide. She was on her way to a watery grave in the nearby sea when remembered a Woman Inc. poster she had seen in the window of a pharmacy.
"I decided to delay my plan until the next day and if they could not help me I would go through my with plan."
Woman Inc's Role
The next day Marcia went to Woman Inc. but on arrival, she was surprised to see that the counsellor was a male. She wondered why it had to be a male and why he was in that line of work? "I was scared to reveal my whole story. However, he was very welcoming, calm and understanding so I decided to take a chance."
"I told him that I thought the deacon was out of his mind (crazy) and he had planned (premeditated) hurting me. I also wondered if I had somehow said or done something to make him think I would be interested in him. But he reassured me that the incident was not my fault and assisted me on the road to survival."
Talk
Though Marcia was able to talk about her unfortunate experience with the counsellor, it was not so easy to tell her parents. She was afraid it would just lead to questions, blame, humiliation and an unbearable life.
It was not until two weeks later, that she built up the nerve to tell them. Afterwards, her mother was overcome with rage. "She wanted to chop up the rapist but my father was calmer. He was upset but more confused I think, as it was his friend who hurt his daughter."
Telling her pastor was not easy either as she thought he would take the rapist's side. "I thought of the embarrassment of telling him the whole story then only to have it swept under the carpet and my reputation tarnished. I also thought he would say I did something to cause the abuse. They are both men and I thought he took the rapist's side. However, he was kicked out ('dis-fellowshiped')."
After the deacon was disfellowshiped many people in the church found out about the incident. "They started saying all kinds of things about me. I wondered many times if those people (who were Christians), should be saying these things. It got to the point were some of my friends started believing what people were saying and that changed our friendship."
Not getting the support from the people in the church Marcia started looking at them differently. "When I went to church and saw the people I was upset, I felt betrayed was suspicious of the other church brothers. And I hated those who said things about me too. I did not talk to them."
Marcia was advised to take legal action against the deacon but she did not want to relive the incident in front a court full of strangers. "I also thought of the cost if I was not going to get legal aid and the time I would have to spend in court. So I let the church handle it.
Even after Marcia found refuge in Woman Inc. and the church, she was still confronted by demons of her past. She had frequent nightmares that kept her up most nights. She told the Flair that up to this day, she is still haunted by the incident every now and then. She also finds it difficult when she accidentally runs into the deacon on the road. "I usually relive the whole nightmare all over again and sometimes when I see him I feel like running away to hide."
It has been 10 years since the incident yet she still feels like it happened last year. A part of Marcia's healing process was to become a member of Woman Inc. and as such, she counsels others who are going through similar situations. She also participated in a group counselling session that helped her tremendously.
Currently, Marcia is married and is in a stable job but she said that she still does not trust men. In fact, she said she is very cautious. She added that if she had not gone to Woman Inc. she probably would not be alive today, "the Crisis Centre saved my life."
* Name changed to protect identity
