Let talk ... relationships - Husband wants submissive wife
published: Saturday | December 10, 2005

Ivret Williams

Dear Counsellor:

I AM having a problem with my husband. We have been married for ten (10) years and during that time I became a Christian. He has become a Christian over a year now. The problem is, we are having conflicts because he believes that I am not a submissive wife. It is funny that before he became Christian he was never so obsessed, but now he is convinced that I am not being submissive. I have asked him to explain what he meant by submissive, but my understanding is that he sees submissive as subservient. I have no problem with being submissive, but under no circumstance will I be subservient. As such we have constant quarrels as we no longer see eye to eye with respect to things. Can you help us?

­ Andrea

Dear Andrea:

A Bible scholar I am not. However, it is my belief that Christ and by extension Paul did not mean that a woman should be subservient to her husband. That would strip her of her dignity making her 'lesser than'. It was Paul who said that a woman is the glory of the man, hence I do not see her in a demeaning role. Unfortunately some men, Christians included, use the term submission to put their wives in bondage. As such the word submission elicits a negative response from many wives as some see submission as control. Let me say that submission is not slavery, neither does it mean leaving your brains at the altar. I do agree that wives should be submissive, but integrated in my concept is Paul's instruction that a man should love his wife as Christ loves the church. A submissive wife exudes happiness when she knows that her husband's love for her can be compared to Christ's love for the Church.

Resisting peer pressure

Dear Counsellor:

I am 18 years old and I am attending a tertiary institution. I have a boyfriend but we have not been sexually involved. Some of my friends have all had sex and they are encouraging me to have sex, saying that I do not know what I am missing. I have mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said that he would never pressure me to have sex. They consider him 'soft'. I do not feel that I am ready for a sexual relationship and have said that, but they constantly 'rag' me. There are times when I feel my resistance melting. What can I do?

­ Terry-Anne

Dear Terry-Anne:

I must commend you on your resistance. Although at your age, peer pressure plays a very big part in your life I would recommend that you change your company. Obey the idiom, 'It is better to be alone, than to be in bad company'.

If you continue with these friends this may become one of your biggest regret. Many teenagers do not abstain from sex because it is physically pleasurable. Some search for love and affection in sex. Insecurity about themselves, along with low self-esteem can cause a teenager to get carried away physically and emotionally by the stormy feelings of 'love'. Research shows that early sexual involvement affects marital sex as people tend to compare one relationship to another. Also to have sex when you do not feel that it is the right thing to do may leave you with negative feelings about sex and afterwards. This can also create the feeling of guilt and shame. Sexually transmitted infections and an unwanted pregnancy are two of the consequences that can result from early sexual involvement. A teenage girl's body, though physically able to get pregnant is many times unable to support a baby to full term. Sexual relationships during the teen years very rarely last. Less than 10 per cent result in marriage and about 50 per cent of those who do marry divorce within five years. After the relationship is over, the teenager experiences deep grief over the loss. A sexual relationship bonds two persons physically and emotionally. Breaking up when you have shared your body and soul with someone can be quite traumatic.

Cheating builds my marriage

Dear Counsellor:

I am not really seeking an advice, just to say that as a man I do not believe that it is possible for a man to be faithful to one woman. I love my wife but whenever I have an outside relationship I enjoy my marriage even more.

­ Brian

Dear Brian:

A man has to be a good lover to have variety with the same woman. This takes much creativity. Use this month to test your creativity and you may never stray again.