Keisha Shakespeare, Staff Reporter
THERE IS no easy way to get over rape. Once it happens, you're plagued by the horrific trauma for the rest of your life. Some seek comfort by becoming promiscuous while others shut down and dare not trust men again.
How do sex and intimacy factor into the life of a rape victim? Let's explore:
13-YEAR-OLD TRAUMATISED
Samantha*, now 33, was raped when she was 13 years old by an 18 year-old acquaintance. She was so distraught by the experience that it took her six months to build up the courage to tell anyone. Soon after telling her parents she began dating.
"I became promiscuous. I felt cold and numb and sexual intercourse did not have much meaning or value to me. I associated the activity with men and if it was sex they wanted, that's what I gave them," said Samantha.
Due to the hurt Samantha felt she never stayed in one relationship for too long. "I used to think that once I was in a relationship then sex automatically became a part of it."
It took Samantha about 12 years after the incident before she went for counselling. She was at home watching a television programme that spoke to the issue of rape when she realised that she was still affected by her dreadful past. "After I went to counselling I began to deal with everything and that's when I decided to change my life."
RAPED BY A DEACON
In Marcia's* case, she was raped when she was 15 years old by a deacon and a close friend of the family. It took her five years after the incident to start dating. However, the 25-year old did not have any sexual encounters until six months before she got married in December 2004.
"I had no interest in sex because every time I made an attempt, it seemed as if I was reliving the incident all over again. However, during the six-month period prior to my marriage, I had sexual intercourse but it was not enjoyable so I stopped. I resumed after my wedding. To this day sex does not give me pleasure. I believe it is because of the initial exposure that I had," said Marcia.
CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST'S VIEW:
Sometimes we may think of rape as a simple matter that will pass. But it has long-term effects on how victims relate to people and in particular sexual partners. This is the opinion of Clinical Psychologist Dr. Asquith Reid. If rape was committed in the pre-pubertal stage then it will cause certain difficulty in understanding what sexual intercourse is really about. At puberty, rape becomes the determining factor of how sexual relationships should be. It has a remarkable effect on how the person expects sex to be later in life.
Dr. Reid further said that perhaps they may be conditioned to fall for the type of person who hurt them. If, God forbid, the sex was enjoyable, then perhaps it will determine the type of sexual partners they choose to engage with.
Obviously the earlier in the developmental stage of women that rape occurs, the more traumatic the effect. For more mature individuals who have had sexual experiences, this may not necessarily negate how they perceive sex. However, it will still be a traumatic experience with lasting effects on sexual and other relationships.
Rape victims may not only feel violated but look at themselves with scorn. This is one of the major areas that has to be dealt with in therapy, the psychologist told Flair.
Personal self worth when damaged in such a manner is difficult to repair in the short-term. Some of these effects may manifest themselves over a long period. For example, a girl who has been raped at 13 years old, may begin to experience effects at age 26. The same bitterness and animosity they had to the person who violated them may be transferred to either committed or social partners. This is simply because they are afraid of sexual intercourse and this may lead to frigidity in sexual encounters or a complete distancing from men in general.
All of these effects can be reversed in carefully planned therapy sessions especially if the therapist is a male who may give the victim the opportunity to trust again.
*Names changed on request.
